Put Your Prose On a Diet

The Writer's Mind by Shalanna Collins

Put Your Prose On a Diet!

"My stories always end up crushed under the weight of their own clunky prose," whined one of my creative writing students. "What I really need is an article on how to edit without mercy. Have you got a word diet plan?"

It was a good idea; my own prose seemed bloated lately, as though it needed a good dose of Midol. "Word diets, coming up." I handed her a copy of Professor Strunk’s little book; every writer should have The Elements of Style, although no one should take every word in it completely seriously. (It’s unhealthy to be a slave who makes no exception to any rule.) Less predictably, I also pulled out a copy of George Orwell's essay "Politics & the English Language."

"This essay is a classic about writing and speaking with economy. And to get a feel for how to cut your prose to the bare bones, read anything by Orwell or Hemingway."

I also handed her an old dittoed sheet. "Sorry this handout isn’t computerized yet. I’ll get to that this year, I hope. It’s just a few tips from my own experience."

Here’s what it said:

* Go easy on adjectives and adverbs. They're sometimes

effective, but betray an amateur if they're not sparkle-

perfect. Blue-pencil the clunky ones; read things

aloud, and your ear will identify these by cringing.

Strunk & White say, "The adjective has not been built

that can pull a weak or inaccurate noun out of a tight

place."

* Look for wasted words we've learned from business

writing: "on a daily basis" is a windy way of saying

"daily"; "at this moment in time" is nothing but "now"

with five extra syllables. Other words that rarely

add anything to a sentence: quite, very, as it were,

moreover, basically, essentially, apparently, thus.

These words are perfectly good--don’t obsess--but do

ask yourself every time if they strengthen that

particular sentence.

* That as a coordinating conjunction can often be

eliminated to improve sentence rhythm: instead of

"I'm convinced that Twain was a master," try "I'm

convinced Twain was a master." Too many thats get

in the way. Clunk, clunk.

* Relative pronouns are sometimes unnecessary: instead

of "Jane Austen, who was a crashing bore," use "Jane

Austen, a crashing bore."

* Watch for redundancy. "Several different people"

conveys no useful information: you can't have several

of the same person. Why refer to "Our previous

discussion" unless you plan to reminisce about your

future discussions?

* Pay attention to active and passive voices. Active

sentences use few words; more words are used in

passive sentences.

* If you find yourself using words ending in "-ation" and

"-ize," you can tighten and beautify your work by

rephrasing to eliminate the ugly endings.

* If you ever find yourself writing "The fact that,"

wear sackcloth and ashes for a few days. You can

almost always replace it with simply "that."

* "Of a ----- nature" is usually wasted. "Decisions of

a delicate nature" are plain old "delicate decisions."

* Go for the blunt word; don't hedge or waffle.

"Previous(ly)" and "prior (to)" can usually become

"before" or "earlier." Use "person" or "someone"

instead of "individual," unless you're contrasting an

individual with a corporation. Don't be afraid to

begin sentences with "and" or "but"; they're usually

more effective than "however" or "additionally."

* A related point, although it's not about wordiness per

se: structure your sentences so that the less

important words, the moreovers and apparentlys,

are in the middle--not at the beginning or end of a

sentence. Save the "ends" for the "idea" words.

After you finish a draft, go through the piece carefully, and ask at every word, "Does this word contribute anything?" If the answer is no, scribble it out. Make friends with the "delete word" option on your word processor.

You’ve got nothing to lose but a few extra words and phrases. And who knows--you might gain a new publication credit!

--The End--