What's the Big Mistake Men Make about Power?
First presented in a public seminar at the Aesthetic Realism Foundation, New York City.

In Self and World Eli Siegel explains:

Power is not just the ability to affect or change others; it is likewise the ability to be affected or changed by others. If a person's power is only of the first kind, his unconscious will be in distress...He must see that his own well-being depends on a simultaneous giving of himself to things and acting on things.

This is so different from what I once thought. I felt I would be powerful if I was superior to people: was smarter, had more style and money, and could—while appearing like a friendly guy—get people to do what I wanted. My life began to change when I learned that "the ability to be affected" by things is power, is what makes a man's mind stronger. And this ability arises from what Aesthetic Realism explains is the deepest desire in every person—honestly to like the world.

The big mistake I made was to think I would be powerful by having contempt, which Mr. Siegel defined as the "disposition in every person to think he will be for himself by making less of the outside world." Aesthetic Realism showed me that going after power on this basis undermined my life terribly, made me feel small and furtive—ashamed.

These two utterly opposed kinds of power, liking the world and having contempt, battle in men's lives every day—in business, in love, at the gym—and I am everlastingly grateful to Eli Siegel and to Class Chairman Ellen Reiss for teaching me to distinguish between them, and to go for power in my life that makes me both happy and proud.

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