Martha Stewart's Xmas letter to Erma Bombeck:
 
 Hi Erma,
 
 This perfectly delightful note is being sent on
 paper I made myself to tell you what I have been
 up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early
 and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue
 gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my
 loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves.
 
 Then to make the sled complete, I made a white
 horse to pull it from DNA that I had just sitting
 around in my craft room. By then, it was time to
 start making the place mats and napkins for my
 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard
 Stewart twelve-course breakfast but I'll let you in
 on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the
 tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones
 I had on hand.
 
 Before I moved the table into the
 dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the
 holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and
 stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the
 homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle
 molds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade
 of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from
 Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any
 Hungarian craft store.
 
 Well, I must run. I need to
 finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm wearing for
 breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to
 the post office as soon as the glue dries on the enve-
 lope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don't
 stay too long, I have 40,000 cranberries to string with
 bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon.
 
 It's a good thing.
 
 Love, Martha Stewart
 
 P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I
 used 1/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked the gauze in a
 mixture of white grapes and blackberries that I
 grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.
 
 
 
 Response from Erma Bombeck:
 
 Dear Martha,
 
 I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list -
 pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains. I'm 20
 minutes late getting my daughter up for school,
 packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the
 dog pound, seems old Ruff needs bailing out again.
 
 Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I was trying
 to make those cute curly fries, how DO they do that?
 
 Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes,
 tried using an old disposable razor...trashed the table-
 cloth. Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries
 mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave.
 
 Oh, and don't use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in
 that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen
 to like a disgusting shade that resembles puke!
 The smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.
 
 Love, Erma