I wanted to post a transcript of the first night’s talk, for those who couldn’t make it. Here is a short version of what turned out to be a long stroll through many areas of practice:
The ordinary mountaineer has his ice axe. What tool could possibly help the Zen Mountaineer in his terrain?
I believe there is such a tool; something you already have; something used every day. Many would call it your enemy; yet, when harnessed, it is the one tool that will give you the Freedom of these Zen Hills.
What is it?
What could possibly get you past the 10 mile high ice wall of your conditioning?
What could possibly give you the courage to take the leap into the unknown void of true freedom?
What could possibly give you the determination to climb the next summit, a lifetime of summits, when you know that there is no end?
The answer is your passion. The very heart of desire itself.
But isn’t desire the one thing that you must let go of to attain the way? Isn’t it the enemy that must be conquered?
I think there are a couple of problems with this attitude.
First, I don’t think it can be done. Desires are too fundamental and strong to be just let go of. And to suppress them, is to pervert them. They will still be there, and will still run your life, just now from behind the scenes. How many religious priests/teachers have fallen prey to this!
Second, to cut off desire is to cut off your own power, and to lose your way.
What I’m suggesting here, is to embrace desire as a practice. The whole of it. "I want." "I want." There is a message in there. There is something lacking, some percieved need, vacancy. What is it? What do I truly want?
If I make a space for myself, get away from the "shoulds" (I should want to save all sentient beings, for example.), get away from the conditioning, make my desire my friend, what is it that I truly want? What do I want my life to be about?
I don’t think human desires ever go away. Why should they? Aren’t they a part of the richness of this human life? Without them, would there even BE any human life? There is nothing wrong with them!
But human desires, are, in a way, kind of small. In a Zen life, a life of questioning, of investigation, it is possible to find a desire, a passion, much larger. Much, much, larger. Then the human passions can take their place, but not run the show.
Zen practice requires many tools. Diving into your own desire, asking "What do I really want?" is just one of them. Perhaps it is not the right question for you, or maybe not the right one at this time. What question is important to you?
Sam Gabriel, San Diego, CA
http://home.roadrunner.com/~clothespin
sam_gabriel@yahoo.com