This is the first night of the October Sesshin, "Bankei’s Promise".
I posted a talk "No-story Mind" last Sunday, as an introduction to the sesshin. To sum up that previous talk: the location of your true home, your Zen home, is knowable from ordinary thinking mind as no-story mind. Your true home is where there is no story.
Sesshin is a great opportunity to turn away from the mind’s stories. I wanted to start the sesshin with some questions that might help with this process.
1. What are my major objections? What is it that is holding me, tying me, to my story? Why not just turn away?
An example: "I can’t turn away because I need to figure out what to do about my job." (Me, my job: this is all story stuff.)
How to practice with this? Some ideas:
Set aside some time for turning away. "I can try to figure it out at some later (specific) time, but right now I will turn away for awhile." Just as I need to set aside some time for sleep, I also need to set aside some time to turn away.
Ask "What do I want?" Honestly, what do I want, really want, for my life? Pushing myself around, dividing myself, is not useful. If this is real asking, the answer could go either way. If the answer is "turning away, getting some space in my life", great! If the answer is "I really need to go take care of my job situation", great! Perhaps I need to come back to "turning away" at a later time.
There are always a million things to do, and many crises in the world, so it may seem almost immoral to take time to turn away. "I need to do something!" But does this doing come from a clear place? Do I know? If it doesn’t come from a clear place, how useful will it be?
Keep a pen and paper handy to write down things that need to be remembered so that they don’t have to stay in the mind. "Oh, I forgot to send that letter (and I’ll have to spend the rest of the sitting period trying to remember)."
Use this concern about something in the story (e.g., my job) as a focus for questioning, as a kind-of koan. More on this later.
2. What am I holding on to? OK, so I’ve gotten over my major objections, and I’m sitting down and practicing, trying to turn away.
Here is where things get a little sticky. "Trying to turn away"; trying, is more story stuff. The mind kind-of needs something to do. What is useful at this point?
At this point I might ask myself, "What is it that I am holding on to?". What, in the story, am I not willing to let go of? Perhaps some favorite role I see myself in? Perhaps some scenario that I want to play out a certain way?
Holding on seems to always have a physical component. So, I often ask myself "What is that tension in my body all about?" "What am I not seeing here?"
Asking, patiently asking, not trying to figure it out; just asking. I trust that the answer will come. There is a knowing in me, that is clouded over.
If there was an issue in the story (e.g. what to do about my job?) this can become a question. "What do I do about my job?" "Is there something blocking my understanding of what to do?" "What am I holding on to?"
This questioning is not a figuring out, but rather more like prayer.
For those who know about the Sedona method, it is very much like that. Asking first "What am I holding on to?" As answers come up, then asking "Could I let this go?"
This isn’t a rote mechanical process.
3. What am I? As the mind settles down more-and-more, and the body relaxes, the questioning deepens. The questioning might deepen into something like "What am I?" A slow, deep asking, "What am I?" A peering into stillness, and the answer is silence.
4. Is it OK to just sit here? Why not? Why not just enjoy the inner silence?
Sam Gabriel, San Diego, CA
http://home.roadrunner.com/~clothespin
sam_gabriel@yahoo.com