Sometimes when I am putting together a talk, I have the thought: Oh, I should leave this out of the talk so that I have something to talk about next time.

But I know that this is not how to live.

The way to live is to put everything that I have into each talk, as though each talk were my last talk.

And who really knows? This may really be my last talk.

I am not young any more. Friends of mine are already dying… There could be an accident…

This may be my last chance to connect with you, to say all that I need to say.

Now I want to talk about goodbyes.

I learned a long time ago the importance of goodbyes. Even though you survive, your friend may not.

One time when I was talking to my dad on the phone, when the conversation was ending, I said "I love you dad."

Well, I didn’t always say that, and we were going to see each other soon, so I could easily have let it go. We had difficulties in our relationship, and there were reasons to let it go.

But, I had been sitting for quite awhile by then, and somehow it seemed important to say "I love you, dad."

Well, those were our last words. The next time I saw him he was in a coma on, on a respirator, and he died soon after. He was only 69 years old.

I am so, so grateful that I said those words.

How can you be sure that your next step isn’t your last, or the last for someone you love?

What does this say about how to live?

What does this say about the plans you have for your life?

What does this say about how much of yourself you should give to each moment?

How much of your energy is dissipating into things that don’t matter?

Back to the talks that I give.

To give a good talk, I have found that I have to give it my all, I have to give it everything I have, and giving everything is like a little death. I feel wrung out, and a little too exposed. And then there is the question: What will I talk about next time? Will I have anything to say next time?

So what makes it possible to give talks this way, to live this way?

The answer is faith. To give up the future for the present requires faith: a faith in moment-to-moment rebirth. A faith in my Self, my Essential Self, my True Self. A faith that my Essential Self will come through from nowhere and from nothing.

Better than just this faith, is knowing that my Essential Self will come through from nowhere and from nothing in a way that is appropriate for the new present circumstances. What will be born will be appropriate for the circumstances in which it is born.

So how can I live in faith? I think there are a couple of elements to this. One is that I try living in faith, it is successful, and that builds more faith.

The other element is a willingness to fail once-in-awhile. Living in faith is taking a risk. Taking a risk means the occasional failure. This failure isn’t so much a failure of the Essential Self; rather, it is a failure to remain in touch with the Essential Self.

As faith that the future will take care of itself grows, so grows a willingness to let go into the present. Letting go more and more into the present, you may find your sitting going deeper and deeper.

It may become clear that there are just a few things holding you back, perhaps a few things that you need to keep in your mind in order to preserve yourself. For example, thoughts about how to handle a medical condition, or a difficult financial situation.

This is right on the edge of the ultimate test of faith…

…can you trust enough in your essence, in rebirth, to let it all go? Everything?

Sam Gabriel, San Diego, CA
http://home.roadrunner.com/~clothespin
sam_gabriel@yahoo.com