Welcome to the Bowels of Bureaucracy!
Satirical tales of bureaucratic derring-do and
derring-don't
from the Poison Processor of Bob Blau.
The
Latest :
Balanced and Rational
Full disclosure: I am sane. And I don't run from it like so many of my
brethren and sistren, who prefer the term "reasonable."
Citizens Untied
"You don't suppose they'll find in favor,
do you?"
Vulture Vulturism
Vultures are the salt of the air, the avian elite, the princes of
ornianism. Everyone knows that. Even a little tit like me knows that.
They are Opportunity Makers, as they themselves admit, and not
scum-sucking carrion feeders at all.
Too Green The Department of
Romeland Security was established in the late 4th
Century to mitigate the threat of barbarian invasion. Even as
neighboring empires pooh-poohed barbarian invasion as unsubstantiated
drivel and a restraint on trade, the DRS kept Rome prepared for the
worst. Until they asked for a rate increase.
Principles of
Scapegoating
The ancient Israelites were not the only people who practiced
scapegoating. There was, in fact, another ancient people, known as the
Bamaites, who learned the practice at the Israelite knee, as it were.
The Bamaites then vanished mysteriously and utterly from history.
However, the recent discovery of the Ancient Scrolls appears to shed
light on the mystery of their disappearance.
Demonizing
My mom always told me not to demonize people. So I first saw the demon
at school. It was introduced as a new student, Asqrzkxt. It went
tearing up and down the halls, causing havoc and chaos everywhere. In
the restrooms, it blocked up the commodes and scrawled lewd messages
all over the walls, although no one noticed any difference. In the
cafeteria, it tore the hair nets off the lunch ladies, tripped kids in
the lunch line, and widdled in the macaroni and cheese, which
admittedly was an improvement.
Boll Weevils
I suspected the boll weevils, at first. After all, cotton plants dying
left and right, weevils crawling all over the place. What was I
supposed to think? It's a good thing that boll weevil delegation came
calling to set me straight.
XCav
They started hauling in the dead babies today. That's why I went to see
the foreman.
Occupy the Temple
BREAKING NEWS: The so-called "occupy" movement took an ugly
turn today, as an unemployed carpenter violently attempted to expel the
money changers from the Temple in Jerusalem. The local Roman garrison
was on hand with plenty of pepper spray and pointy objects to restore
order.
Iced Tea
So there was this great big gash in the hull, and the North Sea gushing
in, and we passengers were mad as hell, I can tell you. And right at
the top of out shit list were icebergs, shoddy ship builders, and
clueless communication companies that couldn't find iceberg warnings
important enough to forward.
The Supper Committee
"Where you wanna go eat?"
Excised Passages from the Comics:
The Super Committee
"Gentlemen, the planet is about to explode!"
The Zeroth Commandment
"And call me in the morning," said God.
Blanket Socialism
I'm heading into my meeting with the evil new light-skinned Chief.
Personally, I think he's a white man, but some of the tribe claim they
remember when he was a papoose, and even when he was born. Like his
mother. Alleged mother. Anyway, he's the one I have to
complain to.
Weather Records
"Another record day!" kvelled Dad. "Son, this is one for the books, and
no mistake. Years from now, you'll be able to tell your children that you
were there during the Time of Records. Remember that!"
The Oath
The ER was fairly crawling with doctors when they brought me in. In
fact, now I come to tell the story, some of them actually were
crawling. On the floor. Unblinking. Forky tongues.
When You Have to
Spell Things Out
Everyone says I'm a dumb cluck, so I guess it must be true. But dumb
cluck though I may be, I went straight to the farmer when I saw what
had moved into the nest next door.
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