So You've Had a Toner Mishap

presented by Toner Mishap

Nothing ruins your day like a toner mishap. Nothing, that is, except the heartbreak of psoriasis or the realization that you're not just going through a phase but, instead, have begun the last and most soul-numbing portion of your life. But first, how to clean up a toner spill!
Toner cartridges often leak during replacement, leaving unpleasant black soot on the carpet. If your soot is noticeably cyan, magenta, or yellow in color, congratulations: you have a color printer!
If you spill toner on your clothes or carpet, do not worry; it can be cleaned fairly easily with these helpful friendly tips. If it gets in your hair, you should start thinking about the Betty Page look.
Perform the following steps carefully and experience the joyful feeling of being clean again:
  1. Remove any excess toner with a vacuum, as long as the spill is no bigger than a half dollar. If you do not have a half dollar with which to measure, try a quarter that has been flattened by a train. Do not -- I repeat, DO NOT -- use a Susan B. Anthony dollar! Do not attempt to wipe up the spill, as it will set the toner in place.

After you have vacuumed the toner, take your clothes to your neighborhood dry cleaners. Consider also bringing some clothes to change into so that you do not have to drive home naked and embarrassed.

  3. If the spilled toner on your carpet does not completely disappear after the diligent use of your vacuum (no slackers, please), call your local carpet cleaning company to find out what they recommend to get the remaining toner out of your carpet. You could also do that first, before permanently defacing your carpet through improper implementation of step one. So maybe consider the last part of this advice as the real step one.
  4. If the spill is bigger than a half dollar (see step one, above, for more clarification) you will need a special vacuum that a copier technician carries. This would require a maintenance call which is likely not covered by your service contract and you will be charged accordingly. For this reason, try very hard to believe that your spill is smaller than a half dollar (again: see step one, above).
Some further thoughts to consider as you face a toner mishap (including toner spills, toner waste disposal, general toner clean-up, and prolonged exposure to the toxic effects of inhaled toner):
  1. Do not handle loose toner without gloves. Unless you don't have gloves; then you're pretty much out of luck, aren't you?
  2. Never use water to clean toner from carpet because it only spreads and imbeds the stain. Especially hot water.
  3. Do not use a domestic vacuum cleaner to clean up toner spills. Cleaning with an ordinary vacuum only redistributes the dust throughout the room! Most ordinary vacuum cleaners utilize a porous bag as the only means of capturing dust. Since most allergy and respiratory discomfort rests with dust and other particles between 0.2 and 2 microns in size (one human hair is 80-100 microns in diameter), the "dangerous dust" is actually escaping back into the air through the vacuum's exhaust. It is preferable to avoid this.

Questions and Answers
Q. Will the stain ever come out?
  A. No.
Q.  But I thought...
  A. No.


For more helpful tips on staying clean, for political commentary
that leans unabashedly left without actually tipping over,
for musings on the lack of common sense in the world today,
and for all the Chewbacca you can handle, visit the fine folks at Toner Mishap.

The fine folks at Toner Mishap also urge you to remember that
we accept no liability or responsibility for the results of
any actions taken on advice of the preceding information.
Here's a good idea: don't spill toner; if you do, call your tech.