By Gary Kirchherr
I can't for the life of me understand why the national media accept tripe from computer-industry P.R. flacks as if it were gospel. An Associated Press article in The Sentinel's May 7 entertainment page had the latest example of high-tech drivel that makes me roll my eyes and groan.
The article, on how stars communicate with their fans, included four paragraphs on online services' virtual "auditoriums." A celebrity guest appears on "stage," and an online-service staff member screens and posts the questions from the audience. The guest then types his or her response, which everyone in the auditorium sees. All major online services have such "events."
In the AP article, America Online spokeswoman Judy Tashbook gushed: "Goldie Hawn is as bubbly online as she is on the screen. People asked what kind of computer she had, where she got her name."
Oh, puh-leeze!
Online auditoriums sound great in theory, but the reality is a letdown. Actual auditorium events allow you to ask the celebrity a question without a filter - once you have the floor, the celebrity is on the spot. And if the answer is unsatisfactory, you can challenge him or her further. This isn't possible online. In addition, $3 an hour is a lot to pay to watch text scrolling across your computer screen.
Another problem with online auditoriums is that they have a finite "size." If the auditorium's full, you're out of luck. And if the guest is well-known and admired, your chances of getting in are slim. Just ask those who tried to enter the AOL auditorium when Mick Jagger was there. Of course, you could always show up early enough to reserve your seat - for $3 an hour.
Rampant rudeness is the concept's biggest failure. Audience-members will ask questions - especially of female MTV VJ's, I hear - that they wouldn't dare utter if they actually had to confront the person or a huge audience.
But this sword cuts both ways, as I learned through my own memorable auditorium experience.
On Jan. 5, 1995, I signed onto America Online and noticed on the familiar "welcome" screen that ABC-TV anchorwoman Carole Simpson was in one of the auditoriums. Intrigued, I went in.
At first I thought I'd stumbled into a meeting of the Democratic National Committee by mistake. But the diatribe I was reading was indeed from the advertised guest of honor: "But my fear is that Mr. Gingrich, given his history, may increase what I see as a new mean-spiritedness in the country." A few minutes later, in response to other questions, she said no, she did not consider Rush Limbaugh a professional journalist; and yes, she believes equal rights will suffer because of the GOP. "The Republicans have never made equal rights or affirmative action priorities," she said.
This was becoming a bit much, so I fired off my own question to the moderator. It soon appeared on screen:
"'A new mean-spiritedness'? Your liberal politics are well-known; isn't your comment just sour grapes?"
I could almost hear the sneer as the response appeared.
"Why does this person think that my liberal bias is well known? Is it because I am an African-American female?"
End of discussion.
Too bad online auditoriums don't allow follow-up questions. After 16 months of stewing, I have mine mastered:
"Um, no; actually, Carole, it's because you had flaunted your liberalism on a TV documentary someone else did about you not long before. And your political sympathies by now certainly aren't a secret to anyone in this auditorium. So why don't you cut the whiny political-correctness crapola and answer the question?"
Even though I couldn't follow up, at least others could. One person who did was someone who apparently is no fan of ABC News: "I don't think it's your personal liberal bias that's well known, but the liberal bias of your network is obvious."
Simpson replies: "I challenge you to give me examples of that. I disagree wholeheartedly. I think it's again, an example of the mean-spiritedness that is these days also directed at the media."
Oh, boo hoo hoo. The online bullies are picking on me again!
Some people may find this type of online activity engrossing. I for one have better ways to waste my time and money.