By Gary Kirchherr
Faithful readers of this space may recall my July 1, 1998, column, where I pointed out the spread of idiotic stories on the Net that many otherwise intelligent people accept as fact. So it was déjà vu when I read Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts' column last month in the Anchorage Daily News. Pitts talked about Internet-distributed rumors that many accept as fact despite the fact that the stories are patently false, and verifiably so. But Pitts' examples were darker and far more insidious than my tales of the dreaded Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe and Neil Armstrong's supposed moonwalk salutation "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Pitts showed how a clever ne'er-do-well and his gullible dupes can make life difficult for people and businesses.
The first example he gave is the Tommy Hilfiger story. Yeah, the same Tommy Hilfiger who gets status-starved suckers to make him rich by letting them put his name on their respective butts. The Hilfiger story to which Pitts alluded, and which is explained in more detail on miningco.com's Urban Legends Web page on the issue, is that Hilfiger was on Oprah's show when the hostess asked her guest about statements allegedly attributed to him: "If I had known that African-Americans, Hispanics and Asians would buy my clothes, I would not have made them so nice," and "I wish those people would not buy my clothes - they were made for upper-class whites." Oprah then supposedly made Hilfiger leave the stage. Pitts' column also mentions another variation of the tale, which has Hilfiger appearing on CNN's "Style with Else Klensch" and saying Asians don't look good in his clothes.
Another fascinating bit of gossip, courtesy of the Internet. And total baloney. Once again, good gossip is ruined by the truth. But unlike the Nieman-Marcus and Armstrong stories, the Hilfiger rumor has unfairly done real damage to the reputation of a person and a business. All because some people are low enough to spread such lies, and others are stupid enough to believe everything they hear or read.
The Hilfiger business reminded me of a similarly malicious rumor in the pre-Internet days - the business about Procter & Gamble and its supposed allegiance to Satanism. And what ironclad evidence were the rumormongers using to enlighten us of this shocking discovery? Well, uh, the company logo has the man in the moon! Obviously, that should be all the proof you need - but there also are the reports about the P&G suits who appeared on "Donahue" and admitted it was all true. And they also said they didn't care if people knew it's true! Why, this story had to be legitimate - it was on a photocopied sheet of paper that somebody was handing out on a street corner!
The P&G rumors became so persistent that the company (correctly) believed it had no choice but to fight back in court. After hauling malicious gabbers in court and actually winning a highly publicized case or two, the stories dried up. Hilfiger may believe his own situation may not require that action - yet - but I wish he'd consider it. It might get people thinking again. And wouldn't that be a pleasant change!
Pitts mentioned in his column another rumor that lacked the personal maliciousness of the Hilfiger story, but nevertheless showed the dangers of wishful thinking. But the wish isn't wanting the story to be true because it's a great story - it's wanting it to be true because of good, old-fashioned greed.
The scam, as outlined in an article on the aforementioned Urban Legends Web site, is that the e-mail the mark is reading originated from Walt Disney Jr. "Walt Jr." claims the Disney Co. is helping Microsoft test new "e-mail tracking" software by awarding either $5,000 or a Disney World vacation to everyone reading the message and participating in the "test" - if said message reaches 13,000 recipients. All the e-mail recipient needs to do to qualify for his or her prize is forward the message to 15 people!
As the Web site points out, this story has a few problems, including but not limited to the fact that there is no such person as "Walt Disney Jr."; there is no such thing as e-mail tracking software; and Disney's giving away millions in cash and prizes to help Micro$oft test a program would make absolutely no sense whatsoever. But a few cerebrally challenged folks actually fell for this anyway. "The Walt Disney hoax has wasted the time of Lord knows how many people," said Pitts, probably referring to the poor Disney operators who had to handle calls from e-mail forwarders wondering where their $5,000 was. What you have is somebody's dumb joke costing a company a small fortune to deal with, as well as giving headaches to countless employees. Hilarious, ain't it?
Finally, Pitts mentioned in passing one more Net rumor many are taking seriously, although I think he may have misunderstood the report. Pitts claimed one Net story is that Congress will be "taking away black people's voting rights in the year 2007." This sounded too bizarre for any sane person, no matter how gullible, to possibly take seriously, so once again I consulted the Urban Legends site. And I found an article on this hoax. But the scam isn't that Congress will be acting to repeal voting rights; rather, that such rights simply will expire, when President Reagan's 25-year extension of the Voting Rights Act does. The e-mail making the rounds claims the U.S. Constitution requires permission for African-Americans to vote, and how wrong this is, yadda yadda yadda.
Strike three.
The only difference this rumor has from the other two is that the person starting it may have been well-meaning. Too bad he or she didn't bother actually reading the Constitution before saying this document requires someone or something to give African-Americans permission to vote. Two words, folks - "Fifteenth Amendment." You know, the one saying the right to vote shall not be abridged on account of race? The Voting Rights Act is a law to enforce this amendment; it doesn't itself give African-Americans "permission" to vote!
Once again, a little common-sense questioning of an outrageous lie could have spared a lot of people a lot of grief. The Urban Legends site quotes U.S. Rep. James Clyburn of South Carolina as saying his office has gotten hundreds of calls on this over the last two years, adding, "It's frustrating dealing with this hoax." I'll bet.
Pitts concludes that people believe this stuff simply because it came from the Internet. I disagree. The practice of spreading silly stories that people shut off their brains to believe didn't start with the Net. The P&G Satanists story was around long before "Internet" entered the common vernacular. No, these e-mails get the rumors spread because they encourage mass distribution, and when you mass-distribute stories like this, eventually they're going to make their way to idiots who believe it, who then will distribute it to more idiots. The Internet simply has provided an efficient method for finding these idiots. And believe me, the Internet has many. How else can one explain the success of America Online?