var quoteArray = new Array();
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He’ll burn anybody. If Jerry Rice was in front of Jerry Rice, he’d burn Jerry Rice."
- --Jimmy Spencer, New Orleans Saints DB, on Jerry Rice
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Whenever they gave him the game ball, he ate it."
- --Alex Hawkins, on Dick Butkus
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Winning is a habit. Unfortuantely, so is losing."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’m going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time."
- --Mike McCormack, Baltimore Colts coach, after the team’s co-captain pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Yeah, they gave me the game ball. If they hadn’t given it to me, I would have taken it anyway."
- --Mike Lucci, Detroit Lion linebacker, on his three key interceptions against the Chicago Bears
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet."
- --Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20 books
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
- --Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "They pay me to practice. Sundays I play for free."
- --Greg Buttle, New York Jets linebacker
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I’d get shot."
- --Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He said: “Gosh, Dad, that mean’s we’re not going to any more bowl games.”"
- --Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach, on his 11-year-old son’s reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "They can’t fire me because my family buys too many tickets."
- --LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’m fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral."
- --Dorothy Shula, wife of Don Shula, on the career dedication of her husband
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "We train by a parkway, which runs beside a river. If we had a lonely end, he either would be hit by a car or drown."
- --Jim Camp, George Washington football coach, on why he doesn’t use a lonely end
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It wasn’t as easy as you think. It’s hard to stay awake that long."
- --Hugh Campbell, Whitworth College football coach, after his team had defeated Whitman 70-30
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Rapport? You mean like, ’You run as fast as you can, and I’ll throw it as far as I can?’"
- --Jeff Kemp, 49ers QB, when asked about his rapport with wide receiver Jerry Rice
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
- --Torrin Polk, University of Houston WR, on his coach, John Jenkins
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I thought this must be what God looks like."
- --George Blanda, talking about the time he first saw Bear Bryant
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I know one thing, I’d rather die now than to have died this morning and missed this game."
- --Bear Bryant, Alabama football coach, after winning over unbeaten Auburn
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You’d better pass."
- --Marty Lyons, to Penn St QB Chuck Fusina when he walked to the line of scrimmage to see how far the ball was from the goal line just before the famous goal line stance play
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "No man, I majored in Journalism, it was easier."
- --Joe Namath, New York Jets QB, responding to a reporter who asked him if he majored in Basket Weaving at Alabama
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You never know what a football player is made of until he plays against Alabama."
- --Bob Neyland, Tennessee football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Alabama’s cornerbacks don’t impress me one bit. They’re overrated. Real men don’t play zone defense and we’ll show them a thing or two come January 1."
- --Lamar Thomas, University of Miami WR, before the 1993 Sugar Bowl
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You can motivate players better with kind words than you can with a whip."
- --Bud Wilkinson, Oklahoma football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A head coach is guided by this main objective: dig, claw, wheedle, coax that fanatical effort out of the players. You want them to play every Saturday as if they were planting the flag on Iwo Jima."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When I got home, my wife always had my robe, slippers and hot water waiting for me. She hated for me to wash the dishes in cold water."
- --Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Breaks balance out. The sun don’t shine on the same ol’ dog’s rear end every day."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Football is and always will be a game of blocking and hitting."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Fat people don’t offend me. What offends me is losing with fat people."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball."
- --Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "No one is ever hurt. Hurt is in the mind."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I was delighted it was his head and not his knee."
- --Tom Landry, Callas Cowboys coach, after QB Roger Staubach suffered a slight concussion in an exhibition game
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If God had intended man to engage in strenuous sports, He would have given us better knees."
- --Dr. Robert Ray, orthopedic surgeon
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A life of frustration is inevitable for any coach whose main enjoyment is winning."
- --Chuck Noll, Pittsburgh Steelers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When you are discussing a successful coach, you are not necessarily drawing the profile of an entirely healthy person."
- --Bruce Ogilvie, sports psychologist
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I have never thought of leaving Arkansas since I got here. Suicide yes, leaving no."
- --Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach, dismissing rumors that he was leaving to go to South Carolina
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Good players win games for you, not big players."
- --Pappy Waldorf, California football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If you really want to advise me, do it on Saturday afternoon between one and four o’clock. And you’ve got 25 seconds to do it, between plays. Not on Monday. I know the right thing to do on Monday!"
- --Alex Agase, Purdue football coach, on Monday morning quarterbacks
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I guess what it comes down to is that success demands singleness of purpose. In this game we’re always looking for catch-phrases... so I call it mental toughness."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Excellence is not a sometimes thing."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital."
- --Joe Paterno, Penn State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Act like you expect to get into the end zone."
- --Joe Paterno, Penn State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "We have to be proud of the game of football. We need to boast about it, and we need to stand up and be counted... it’s the greatest educational experience in the world and individual could have. It’s a game of courage, of sacrifice. It’s definitely a game of self-discipline."
- --Lou Holtz, Notre Dame football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There is no question that the number-one objective of a defensive football team is to keep the opponent from scoring. I know this point would seem to be so obvious that it need not be mentioned. However, in the past few years there has been such a widespread emphasis on statistics, it appears at times that the number of yards gained rushing or passing, or the opponent’s first downs, sacks, or interceptions, are more important than the number of points scored on a defense."
- --Fritz Shurmr, Green Bay Packers defensive coordinator
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Taking the shortest distance to the ball carrier and arriving in bad humor."
- --Bowden Wyatt, Tennessee football coach, defining defensive pursuit
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Don’t raise your boy to be a football coach. In fact, be more cautious than that. At the first sign of his desire to become a football coach, just stop raising him."
- --Emmett Watson, writer
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The trouble with most coaches is they start with the assumption that everybody is a turd. And that ain’t right."
- --Bum Phillips, Houston Oilers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A team that has character doesn’t need stimulation."
- --Tom Landry, Dallas Cowboys coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "They say losing builds character. I have all the character I need."
- --Ray Malavasi, Los Angeles Rams coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it."
- --Knute Rockne, Notre Dame football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "We finally got Nebraska where we want them—off the schedule."
- --Cal Stolle, Minnesota University football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I don’t know a thing about kicking except it takes tempo like a golf swing. And if you’ve ever seen me play golf, you know I don’t know a thing about tempo."
- --Jack McKay, Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’m the oratorical equivalent of a blocked punt."
- --Hayden Fry, SMU football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There’s nothing in this world that comes easy. There are a lot of people who aren’t going to bother to win. We learn in football to get up and go once more."
- --Woody Hayes, Ohio State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- --Woody Hayes, Ohio State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "For every pass I caught in a game, I caught a thousand in practice."
- --Don Hutson, Green Bay Packers WR
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If they can’t put up with my pressure, how are they ever going to stand the pressure from 60,000 people?"
- --Vince Lombardi, Washington Redskins coach, defending his demanding coaching tactics
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I will not defame New Orleans."
- --Bart Simpson, written on the chalkboard
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand."
- --Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- --Bill Peterson, football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- --Joe Theisman, sports analyst
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If the FBI went back far enough, I was always suspect: I never liked football."
- --Father Daniel Berrigan, on his release from jail
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Football is not a contact sport. It’s a collision sport. Dancing is a good example of a contact sport."
- --Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors."
- --Frank Gifford, sports commentator
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "To see some of our best-educated boys spending the afternoon knocking each other down, while thousands cheer them on, hardly gives a picture of a peace-loving nation."
- --Lyndon Baines Johnson, President of the United States
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "[Football] is committee meetings, called huddles, separated by outbursts of violence."
- --George Will, writer
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting."
- --George Orwell, writer
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Football is a game that requires the constant conjuring of animosity."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Some people try to find things in this game that don’t exist but football is only two things—blocking and tackling."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Winning is not a sometime thing; it’s an all-the-time thing."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Football is like life—it requires perserverence, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority."
- --Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Without winners, there wouldn’t even be any civilization."
- --Woody Hayes, Ohio State football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Football doesn’t build character. It eliminates weak ones."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields. As if Canadian football really counts."
- --TV Announcer in Canadian Bacon
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Three things can happen, and two of them are bad."
- --Woody Hayes, Ohio State football coach, on passing the football
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I don’t know. Never had one."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, on how to coach a team after a losing season
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Punt returns will kill you quicker than a minnow can swim a dipper."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You never lose a game if the opponent doesn’t score."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Nine in the box... that’s a football term."
- --Ricky Williams, Heisman Trophy winner, to David Letterman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Will Rogers never met Barry Switzer."
- --Darrell Royal, Texas football coach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- DeMarco’s first law of bad management: if something isn’t working, keep doing it.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- The difference between theory and practice in theory is different than the difference between theory and practice in practice.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- It was so different before everything changed.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- The only time Socrates submitted to peer review it involved hemlock.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Every time QA opens a bug, a kitten dies.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard, be evil.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- The word “vegetarian” is Indian for poor hunter.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- They say hard work never hurt anyone, but I say why take the risk?
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
- --Doug Larson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- How come you never see a headline like: Psychic Wins Lottery?
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Learn from the mistakes of others—you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously."
- --Charles Kettering
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either."
- --Dick Cavett
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Don’t drink and derive.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The days of the digital watch are numbered."
- --Tom Stoppard
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Never pet a burning hamster.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Nobody ever lost money underestimating the taste of the American public."
- --P.T. Barnum
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Eschew obfuscation!
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Visualize whirled peas.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- PROGRAM: (noun) A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one’s input into error messages.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Computers run on smoke. When the smoke comes out, they stop running.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- What if this weren’t a hypothetical question?
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Profanity is the one language all programmers understand.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- BOY: (noun) A loud noise, covered with dirt.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- INSANITY: (noun) Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is."
- --Chuck Reid
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- Fortune cookie: Exotic dancer get applause, call girl just get clap.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- --Mariah Carey
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is."
- --Ellen DeGeneres
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
- --Ronald Reagan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A cult is a religion with no political power."
- --Tom Wolfe
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
- --Dave Barry
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
- --Rich Cook
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"
- --Steven Wright
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work."
- --Peter Drucker
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives."
- --Sue Murphy
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals—apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country."
- --Mark Twain
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "What I gained by being in France was learning to be better satisfied with my own country."
- --Samuel Johnson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If the French were really intelligent, they’d speak English."
- --Wilfrid Sheed
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It’s important that people should know what you stand for. It’s equally important that they know what you won’t stand for."
- --Mary H. Waldrip
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer “Present” or “Not guilty.”"
- --Theodore Roosevelt
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it."
- --Bernard Baily
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”"
- --Charles M. Schulz
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper."
- --Rod Serling
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up—they have no holidays."
- --Henny Youngman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations."
- --Orson Wells
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."
- --Doug Larson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "What’s the use of a good quotation if you can’t change it?"
- --Dr. Who
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?"
- --Vince Lombardi
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt."
- --Dean Martin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."
- --Robert Wilensky
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former."
- --Albert Einstein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down."
- --Mitch Hedberg
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat."
- --Will Rogers
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Women should be obscene and not heard."
- --Groucho Marx
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If God had really intended men to fly, he’d make it easier to get to the airport."
- --George Winters
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed."
- --Chuck Palahniuk
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Adventure is just bad planning."
- --Roald Amundsen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My girlfriend always laughs during sex—no matter what she’s reading."
- --Steve Jobs
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
- --Tom Clancy
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither."
- --Steve Martin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex."
- --Aldous Huxley
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It is bad luck to be superstitious."
- --Andrew W. Mathis
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He talked with more claret than clarity."
- --Susan Ertz
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- --Winston Churchill
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- --Winston Churchill
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- --Clarence Darrow
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- --William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
- "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- --Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- --Abraham Lincoln
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it."
- --Groucho Marx
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- --Mark Twain
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- --Oscar Wilde
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I enclose two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
- --George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
- "Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
- --Winston Churchill, in response.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- --John Bright
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial."
- --Irvin S. Cobb
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He has Van Gogh’s ear for music."
- --Billy Wilder
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- --Samuel Johnson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He had delusions of adequacy."
- --Walter Kerr
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure."
- --Jack E. Leonard
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- --Charles Count Talleyrand
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- --Forrest Tucker
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- --Mae West
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Everyone rises to their level of incompetence."
- --Laurence J. Peter
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "ACQUAINTANCE, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
- --Ambrose Bierce
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything."
- --Frank Dane
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly.’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘blood sucking parasites.’"
- --Larry Hardiman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism it’s your count that votes."
- --Mogens Jallberg
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear."
- --Mark Twain
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken."
- --Benjamin Disralei
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."
- --Winston Churchill
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch."
- --Benjamin Franklin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."
- --Jack London
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."
- --Antoine de Saint-Exupery
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves."
- --Robert Anton Wilson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Fight as if you are right; listen as if you are wrong."
- --Karl Weick
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Exit, pursued by a bear."
- --William Shakespeare
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward."
- --John Maynard Keynes
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Only the mediocre are always at their best."
- --Jean Giraudoux
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- --Napoleon Bonaparte
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time."
- --Alfred E. Wiggam
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work."
- --Robert Frost
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit."
- --W. Somerset Maugham
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
- --Friedrich Nietzsche
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."
- --Ellen DeGeneres
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
- --Mark Twain
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "First things first, but not necessarily in that order."
- --Doctor Who
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid."
- --Heinrich Heine
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Anything too stupid to be said is sung."
- --Voltaire
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood."
- --Mark Ardis
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them."
- --Johann von Neumann
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself."
- --John Ciardi
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."
- --Redd Foxx
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes."
- --Ronald Reagan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Wherever you can make love, you can play sports."
- --Evo Morales
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings."
- --George F. Will
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
- --Erma Bombeck
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it."
- --Dianne Feinstein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously."
- --Nicholas Butler
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience."
- --Shelley Winters
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’m as pure as the driven slush."
- --Tallulah Bankhead
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail."
- --Gore Vidal
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised."
- --Dorothy Parker
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever."
- --Shane Falco
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Jesus Christ—who as it turns out, was born of a virgin, cheated death, and rose bodily into the heavens—can now be eaten in the form of a cracker."
- --Sam Harris
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man."
- --Jimmy McGinty
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people."
- --Philip Guedalla
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."
- --Steven Weinberg
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking."
- --Albert Einstein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something."
- --Jackie Mason
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish."
- --Robert Jackson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo."
- --Robert Byrne
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
- --Logan Pearsall Smith
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Health food makes me sick."
- --Calvin Trillin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle."
- --Darby Conley
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help”."
- --Ronald Reagan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided."
- --Casey Stengel
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "To be amused by what you read—that is the great spring of happy quotations."
- --C. E. Montague
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."
- --Doug Larson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A liberal is a person whose interests aren’t at stake at the moment."
- --Willis Player
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex—but Congress can."
- --Cullen Hightower
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "All power corrupts, but we need the electricity."
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Indecision may or may not be my problem."
- --Jimmy Buffett
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
- --James Thurber
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome."
- --Issac Asimov
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Machines take me by surprise with great frequency."
- --Alan Turing
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read “President Can’t Swim”."
- --Lyndon B. Johnson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn’t want to give up power."
- --Arthur C. Clarke
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
- --Will Rogers
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support."
- --John Buchan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others."
- --Andre Maurois
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
- --Oscar Wilde
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable."
- --Oscar Wilde
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world."
- --Oscar Wilde
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears."
- --Robert W. Sarnoff
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts."
- --Jim Morrison
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
- --Steven Wright
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of."
- --Burt Bacharach
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners."
- --E. Joseph Cossman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see."
- --Arthur Schopenhauer
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not."
- --Eric Hoffer
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
- --Ronald Reagan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable."
- --H. L. Mencken
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He’s the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch."
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important."
- --Eugene McCarthy
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money."
- --Joe Weinstein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don’t."
- --Robert Benchley
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He that can compose himself is wiser than he that composes books."
- --Benjamin Franklin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately—unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something."
- --Dick Butkus
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own."
- --Doug Larson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Familiarity breeds contempt—and children."
- --Mark Twain
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important."
- --Bertrand Russell
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If the fans don’t wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop ’em."
- --Yogi Berra
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable."
- --John Kenneth Galbraith
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
- --Sir Winston Churchill
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Love is the answer... but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I didn’t know he was dead... I thought he was British."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Sex is only dirty if it’s done right."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like... making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it’s fantastic."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I’ve often said: the only thing standing between me and greatness... is me."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Man, I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Life is short. Read better books."
- --Daphne Durham
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "TV is chewing gum for the eyes."
- --Frank Lloyd Wright
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?"
- --Philip G. Hamerton
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait."
- --Jose Simon
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
- --George Carlin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- --Abraham Lincoln
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
- --Henry Kissinger
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines."
- --John Benfield
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it."
- --Harry S Truman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president."
- --Kurt Vonnegut
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something."
- --Hagar the Horrible
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
- --Rita Rudner
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
- --Douglas Adams
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction."
- --Blaise Pascal
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body."
- --Sir Richard Steele
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."
- --James Branch Cabell
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A witty saying proves nothing."
- --Voltaire
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Some books contain the machinery required to create and sustain universes."
- --Tycho
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It has been scientifically proven that the universe consists of Vince Young and some other stuff."
- --Dionysus
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
- --Samuel Goldwyn
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
- --Mark Twain
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
- --Fred Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Your theory is crazy, but it’s not crazy enough to be true."
- --Niels Bohr
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "This is like deja vu all over again."
- --Yogi Berra
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me."
- --Hunter S. Thompson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof."
- --Ashley Montague
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted."
- --Hesketh Pearson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
- --Douglas Adams
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect."
- --Ted Turner
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them."
- --Isaac Asimov
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes."
- --Edsger Dijkstra
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Pessimists, we’re told, look at a glass containing 50% air and 50% water and see it as half empty. Optimists, in contrast, see it as half full. Engineers, of course, understand the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
- --Bob Lewis
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A program is never less than 90% complete, and never more than 95% complete."
- --Terry Baker
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork."
- --Sam Ewing
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence."
- --Jeremy S. Anderson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There’s an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone."
- --Bjarne Stroustrup
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There are only two industries that refer to their customers as ‘users’."
- --Edward Tufte
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit."
- --Anonymous
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in."
- --Edsger Dijkstra
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history—with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
- --Mitch Radcliffe
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Any fool can use a computer. Many do."
- --Ted Nelson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done."
- --Ludwig Wittgenstein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Perl: The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption."
- --Keith Bostic
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There’s an old saying about those who forget history. I don’t remember it, but it’s good."
- --Stephen Colbert
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."
- --Sir Winston Churchill
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception."
- --Groucho Marx
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking."
- --H. L. Mencken
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
- --Rick Cook
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You can’t have a light without a dark to stick it in."
- --Arlo Guthrie
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters."
- --Alice Thomas Ellis
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The squeaking wheel doesn’t always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced."
- --Vic Gold
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
- --P. J. O’Rourke
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
- --Ronald Reagan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- --George Best
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight."
- --Bill Gates
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Software and cathedrals are much the same—first we build them, then we pray."
- --Grady Booch
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."
- --Fred Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there‘s hardly any difference. I, for one, believe the piano player job to be much more honorable than current politicians."
- --Harry Truman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
- --Jerry Seinfeld
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There are only two ways of telling the complete truth—anonymously and posthumously."
- --Thomas Sowell
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example."
- --Francois de La Rochefoucauld
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun."
- --Al Capone
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits."
- --Dan Barker
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."
- --Tom Robbins
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?"
- --President John F. Kennedy
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
- --Henny Youngman
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
- --Kilgore Trout
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia."
- --Charles M. Schulz
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "When I meet a man I ask myself, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’"
- --Rita Rudner
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "No man is lonely while eating spaghetti. It requires so much attention."
- --Christopher Morley
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does."
- --Christopher Morley
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "There may be a few good men who don’t drink beer, but they’ve got to prove it."
- --Col. Lincoln Karmany, USMC
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: It might have been."
- --John Greenleaf Whittier
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself."
- --Albert Einstein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Never judge a book by its movie."
- --J. W. Eagan
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men."
- --Anonymous
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave."
- --Sydney Smith
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."
- --Thomas Jefferson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
- --Dave Barry
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- --John F. Kennedy
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy."
- --Isaac Newton
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
- --H. L. Mencken
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I once said cynically of a politician, “He‘ll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.”"
- --Oscar Levant
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I believe that Hell is an echo of the regrets you create during Life, and that Heaven is knowing that your kids have grown up loved, confident and happy."
- --Chris Thomas
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract."
- --Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money."
- --Margaret Thatcher
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power."
- --Eric Hoffer
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered."
- --Al Capp
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Free advice is worth the price."
- --Robert Half
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
- --Robert Heinlein
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office."
- --H. L. Mencken
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."
- --Plato
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."
- --Steve Martin
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me."
- --Benjamin Disraeli
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I am no more humble than my talents require."
- --Oscar Levant
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."
- --Douglas Adams
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated."
- --Poul Anderson
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit."
- --Unknown
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings."
- --Ed Gardner
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch."
- --Robert Orben
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
- --M. Cartmill
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
- --Woody Allen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in."
- --Evan Davis
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier."
- --Blore’s Razor
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source."
- --Ron Nesen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education."
- --Wilson Mizner
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you’re finished."
- --Leslie Nielsen
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once."
- --Evan Esar
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives."
- --Abba Eban
";
quoteArray[ quoteArray.length ] = "- "The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity."
- --Harlan Ellison
";
// for testing
//var index = quoteArray.length;
//function getQuote()
// {
// return quoteArray[ --index ];
// }
// for production
function getQuote()
{
var index = Math.round( Math.random() * ( quoteArray.length - 1 ) );
return quoteArray[ index ];
}