* Suicide Squeeze *
by Marjorie Joyce
see You Do Have Your Moments home page
for applicable legal statements and disclaimers
(please don't fret--none of these are essential to understanding this story)
- "In Your Dreams," Marjorie Joyce
- "The Princess and the Nerfherder," Carolyn Golledge
"Good to go, Your Holiness," said Captain Han Solo to Princess
Leia Organa as he slid off the nose of the small, late-Imperial-make
shuttlecraft she'd be piloting to Half Moon. She was leaving the
Rebels' newly established base on Hoth to meet Alliance contact
Sodus Bay, and Solo was running a pre-flight check on the simple
yet effective spacecraft.
"I'll tell ya, I don't mind not carting your royal butt around for once,
but you shouldn't be going alone," Solo added as he hitched his
thumbs on the waistband of his de rigueur Corellian Bloodstriped
pants.
"Your concern is touching," the Princess replied dryly, turning
down an end of her petite mouth as she cast him a sideways glance.
Han noticed how appealing she looked in her white thermal overalls
and white shirt with sleeves pushed up to her elbows. She whapped
away from her face a strand of hair that had come loose from her
high ponytail, and closed the second of the two cases of electronics
supplies she was taking to Half Moon. Bending with her knees, she
started to lift the first case to carry into the shuttle. Han stomped up
to her with a scowl, grabbed the case from her, and walked up the
craft's ramp.
Leia glared at Han's back as it disappeared into the shuttle. Did he
really have nothing in his closet besides that flight jacket, white
shirt, and damn striped pants? "That head of yours must be thicker
than I thought," she called out. "After almost three years one would
think you'd accept the reality that Command makes the decisions
around here, you don't."
"That's right," Han replied as he walked back down the ramp and
tapped a thumb to his chest. "That's why I'm not among the
enlisted."
"But you're doing pre-flight."
Han paused mid-swing with the second case and gave her a dazzling
smile. "Out of the kindness of my heart, gorgeous. Out of the
kindness of my heart."
"Right," Leia rolled her eyes, turning to watch him walk back up the
ramp. "You just couldn't pass up an opportunity to take a parting
shot at me. Either that or you're jealous of Mr. Bay."
"Jealous?!" Han poked his head out of the ship and repeated
indignantly. She'd hit pretty close to the mark. He started back
down the ramp with arms spread. "I never had the chance to meet
the guy on Colosse, remember? No--of course you don't. You were
blitzed the entire night."
"That's not true..." Leia started, feeling blood rush to her cheeks.
"Whatever," Han cut in. "Anyway, if anyone's jealous, it's Luke.
He's not happy you're going alone to Half Moon, either."
Leia crossed her arms and sighed. "Don't try invoking Luke with
me," she said with a sweet smile. "He and I have already talked
about it."
"And?"
"And...well...," the Princess said, breaking eye contact with the
Corellian. "He's got to accept the reality that Command makes the
decisions around here, too."
Han let out a short laugh, then grew serious and walked up to stand
toe-to-toe with her. "Admit it, Your Worship, you've got no defense
except that you're working it so you don't travel with me or Luke
anymore. And the stuff you're doing is getting more and more
dangerous. Why is that?"
"You don't know anything about what I'm doing," Leia shot back
then turned aside. How was he able to hit nerves of hers she didn't
even realize she had? "And I want to keep it that way," she muttered
to herself.
Han didn't miss her second comment. He grabbed her elbows and
spun her to face him.
"You can't handle the fact that you're starting to have feelings for
people again...since Alderaan...but you're gonna have to get used to
it eventually, sweetheart," Han said, staring her down. "Even
Command won't let you commit suicide."
Their eyes searched each other for what seemed like an eternity,
each wondering how much the other had guessed and how much the
other actually knew. Then Leia wrenched an arm away from him
and lifted her chin. "Captain, I don't know where you get your
delusions...."
"Cut the 'Captain' routine!" Han said hotly.
Leia responded unconsciously in kind. "Don't call me 'Your
Worship'!"
"Oh, would you prefer I call you 'Frigid'?!"
At that Leia drew back a hand and slapped him squarely across the
face. They'd fought plenty over the past three years, but this fight
had gotten way too personal. With tears in her eyes she held her
hand in a trembling fist.
Han stood in shock. She had actually hurt him. His hazel eyes
turned gray as regret at his words washed over him.
"I deserved that," Han said. "I'm sorry...."
"I'm not," Leia replied as she strode past him and up into the
shuttlecraft.
A few hours later as she approached Half Moon, Leia had finally
calmed down, but she couldn't stop thinking about what Han had
said.
"Dammit, what does he know about what I'm doing...or feeling? I
don't tell him anything."
That was true, but Han was a keen observer of life-form behavior--it
had been part of his smuggling profession. And, as the saying goes,
actions speak louder than words. She had been increasingly loitering
about the Millennium Falcon, its captain, its co-pilot Chewbacca,
and its frequent boarder Luke. Many a meal were spent and sabacc
game lost with them. But when it came to Alliance business, she had
been distancing herself, no longer volunteering for jobs with Luke
and/or Han, and rearranging assignments that involved them and her
so that she was conveniently on her own or unavailable. She'd even
resorted to influencing Command to arrange things so that she
wasn't working with them. She supposed General Rieekan had let
Han in on that, no doubt by Han's prodding. Rieekan was as
straight as they came, which is why she didn't get the mutual
admiration society he and Han had built between each other. And,
yes, she'd been taking more and more risks in her work, travelling
alone, putting herself in more potentially explosive situations. This
shuttlecraft idea was hers, the ship being one of those rare captured
Imperial vehicles, the model she'd actually learned to fly in no less.
Han had noticed her reckless, isolating behaviors; why hadn't she?
Then one of her increasingly frequent visions popped into her mind.
Han was walking her into a dark corner, staring at her intently. Her
back was up against the wall; there was nowhere to go. His lips
were on her neck; she felt lightheaded. Then suddenly her back was
to Luke, and it was his lips on her neck. She looked absently to
her shoulder and saw Luke's hand on it...then...suddenly...it was
Darth Vader's black-gloved hand, and he pulled her against his cold
armored body. Her ears rang. She looked forward. Alderaan was
exploding before her eyes. Again.
Screaming along with the ship's alarms, Leia saw the treetops of
Half Moon shattering across the viewscreen. The shuttle skipped
along the treetop surface, then dove in. She was unconscious by the
time the craft crashed into a ravine and bored into a hillside pocked
with thornworm tunnels.
"What is it, General?" Han said into his comlink as he lay on his
back ripping yet another circuit bank apart in the forward hold of the
Millennium Falcon.
"Solo, do you know if Princess Organa left as scheduled for Half
Moon this morning?" Rieekan asked.
The side of Han's face that she'd slapped that morning stung anew.
"Oh, yeah..." Han drawled, rubbing his cheek. "She definitely did."
Reeikan sighed. "Then we may have trouble. Sodus Bay just sent a
message indicating she hasn't shown up for their meeting."
Han's stomach fell and he banged his head against the floor. "Damn
her...she's gone and done it," he thought aloud.
"What's that, Solo?"
"Nothing, General," Han said, shaking his head, then suddenly
beginning to smile. "I mean, good thing I left that homing device on
her ship, isn't it?"
"Don't worry, General," Han said as he and Rieekan took quick
strides to the Hoth base's ice-cavern hangar. "That homing device
transmits a signal only receivers like the one the Falcon has can pick
up."
"You mean a Vortex customized smuggling receiver, don't you?"
Rieekan asked with a small smile.
"Uh...yeah," Han said, shifting his eyes from Rieekan's. "They
come in handy when you have to drop a shipment. Makes it a
helluva lot easier to retrieve later...How do you know about the
Vortex, anyway?"
"Don't forget, Solo, I used to work on the other side of the law
from you."
Han nodded. They stopped at the foot of the Millennium Falcon's
ramp.
"Is Skywalker going with you?" Rieekan asked.
"Actually, I haven't told him what's happened," Han edged, though
the suspicion that Luke somehow already knew niggled the back of
his mind. The kid always seemed to know these things; must have
been part of his Jedi thing. 'Best for me to get spaceborne as soon
as possible,' Han thought to himself. He looked at Rieekan out of
the corners of his eyes. "Let's just say the Princess isn't going to be
happy to see me, let alone the both of us right now."
Rieekan gave Han a dubious look, then chuckled softly. "I doubt
she'll be happy to see you, either," he said. "Or act like it, anyway.
You push too many of her buttons for her comfort, but she needs
you, you know."
"Thanks," Han said, "I think."
"It's better Luke doesn't know the particulars about Leia's situation,"
Rieekan added, crossing his arms on his chest. "We're keeping it quiet for
now--no need to take minds off the work at hand. Even if we told just Luke,
it wouldn't be long before it was all over base. You know how popular he is,
and with his open and trusting nature...."
"Yeah..." Han said and they finished the thought silently.
Reeikan drew a long breath. "You'll get full support from Sodus
and the Alliance cell there if you need it," he said. The general
looked up through an opening in the hangar ceiling, then returned
his gaze to Han. "You know what the Princess means to us,
and...seeing as you left that device on her ship, I know exactly what
she means to you now," Rieekan continued. He laid a hand on
Han's shoulder; the Corellian didn't flinch from his steady gaze.
"You'd be a fool to give up on her now, son. May the Force be with
you."
Leia opened her eyes, but everything was still dark. She closed them
and opened them again. Still pitch black.
'Am I dead?' she asked herself. Her chest felt sore as she drew a
breath.
"Lungs still work. Okay. Let's move."
She couldn't lift her shoulders off her seat. "Of course. Still
strapped in. That'll do it." She reached to release the harness
buckles, and that hurt even more.
"Not gonna get much better from here, Organa. Better suck it up.
Han wasn't far off; I must have a death wish."
Every muscle cried out as she slowly, stiffly stood up. She felt her
way behind her seat, stumbling over ship parts that had come loose
in the crash, tree limbs and leaves, rocks, and piles of dirt.
Eventually she found what she was looking for--a travel light. She
switched it on and swung it around the cabin. The left side of the
ship was intact, the front control console crushed, the viewscreen
broken and covered with soil, and the front right side sheared away
to reveal what looked like a dirt wall. Walking forward cautiously,
she stepped through the opening on the right side, climbed over and
around rocks and several large chunks of soil, and entered what
appeared to be a small dirt cave. In the middle of the cave a circle of
sunlight streamed from the ceiling to the floor.
"What is this place?" Leia wondered aloud, then smelled something.
Not good.
She spun around and her light glinted on something pink and oozing
out from under the ship.
"Don't tell me. It's not...."
It was. A thornworm. She'd read about this unique inhabitant of
Half Moon in preparation for her trip but never expected to end up in
a forest, where they lived. Thornworms bored false tunnels toward
their underground nests to capture small creatures that would fall
down the holes as cheap, pre-stunned food, the worms' bodies
secreting a fluid that penetrated the soil and yielded small, sharp
thorns that caused too much pain for large creatures--such as
humans--to come down the tunnels. Or, as Leia realized looking at
the thorns through the dust swirling in the sunlight, from going up
the tunnel.
"Stang."
She looked back to the buried ship, which effectively cut off any
other avenues of escape from the nest. The ship wasn't going
anywhere, and with the control console destroyed there was no
equipment to send a message for help with. Besides, heavy
machinery would have to be used to dig her and the ship out, which
would cause unwanted attention.
"It's my only hope," she said as she went back into the ship and
rummaged for a flight jacket and the two cases she'd brought for
Sodus. After a long and painful struggle to get the cases into the nest
she stacked them on top of each other, tenderly shrugged on the
jacket, and stepped up onto the cases. She stood shoulder level with
the bottom of the tunnel. Reaching for a thorn, she tried to pull it
out. Nothing doing. Leia sighed. Too tight quarters to use the
emergency hatchet in the ship. And her blaster wasn't precise
enough to sharpshoot the thorns off; she'd most likely send the
surrounding dirt down into the nest with her, perhaps causing the
entire tunnel to collapse.
"Yeah, I gotta do this," she decided, holding out her elbows,
carefully placing them between the thorns, and beginning to inch
herself up the tunnel. But with every move a thorn snagged her
somewhere--her back, a leg, her chest, an arm--ripping her clothing
and usually her skin, compounding the pain from the crash. Every
excruciating, slow meter up left her clothes redder. She hissed in a
breath, then cried out and ran a bloody hand across her face.
Flying in the Millennium Falcon above the forest where the homing
device indicated the Princess' ship was, Han and Chewbacca found
a clearing and landed without apparent notice. Han went on foot to
the area he and his wookiee first-mate had noticed treetops had been
damaged. With a coordinate reader and a comlink for Chewbacca to
direct him with, Han came upon the freshly ripped-up ravine.
"Chewie, I see skid marks, but I don't see the ship," Han said into
his comlink.
*Where do the skid marks go?* the wookiee asked.
"Into a hillside...they just disappear...good gods, she went
underground!"
*What do you mean she--?*
"Talk to ya later," Han cut in and shut off the comlink, then
scrambled up the hillside to the flat forest floor. Between footsteps
crunching on leaves, he heard a muffled cry. He stopped and
listened for it again. In a few moments it came once more, and
closer. 'Is that an animal?' he wondered, scanning the trees. A
third time he heard it. No, sounded human. Where was it coming
from? He sprinted forward when suddenly his left leg collapsed. As
he tried to stand back up he realized his leg had fallen down a hole,
and was being ripped to shreds. Slowly and painfully he pulled it
back up, then looked down the hole. Thorns. "What are the bastards
that built that thing?" he asked himself aloud.
Another cry. Very close. 'She's in one of those,' he realized.
Limping to his right, Han fell to his knees at a hole in the ground
and looked down.
"Leia?!" The Princess' pale face was looking up at him, streaked in
blood and tears.
Leia tried to smile at the familiar furrowed brow she saw above, but
could only manage a grimace.
"Kreth, sweetheart, are you allright?" Han called down.
"I will be," she said between slow breaths, "as soon as I get out of
here."
"What are these things?"
"They don't call the local vermin 'thornworms' for nothing," Leia
said through clenched teeth.
"Okay, okay," Han said, heartened to see she was well enough to
exercise her sarcasm. "How can I help?"
"I don't know. Make the pain go away," she said, pulling herself up
another notch and stifling a cry as a new set of thorns tore into her.
"Stop!" Han shouted. "Stay still. Kreth, I can't stand to see you
ripping yourself up."
"You're the one who said I was suicidal," Leia said between
breaths.
"Yeah, you're in a real suicide squeeze here," he said with a fleeting
smile. "Now, come on--give me a minute to think." A few moments
of silence passed.
Leia shifted her feet on the tunnel walls, sending rocks clacking
down to the nest floor. "I can hear the wheels grinding," she said
dryly.
"Nice," Han replied. Then his classic inspiration struck again--in a
flash. "That's it," he said with a snap of his fingers. "A
macrofuser!" Han pulled out his comlink. "Chewie, bring me a
macrofuser...that's right, ya hairy oaf, a macrofuser--now! She's in
trouble!"
Chewie steadied Han's calves as the Corellian's torso hung down
the tunnel and he fused off the last of the thorns.
"Okay, Princess?" Han asked between takes.
"Okay," came Leia's muffled reply from under his flight jacket,
which he'd laid over her head and shoulders to protect her from
fuser sparks.
"Wouldn't want to singe those royal locks," Han said, making sure
she was still conscious as he fought the image of her with her hair
down from filling his mind. Had to concentrate on the job at hand.
In short order he lifted his jacket off the Princess and tossed it up
and out of the tunnel. It landed as if it were aimed on Chewbacca's
head. With an indignant roar the wookiee removed it just in time to
see the macrofuser flying up. He caught it then waved it
threateningly at Han as the Corellian backed out of the tunnel, let
Leia inch up to the top, then leaned down and lifted her up free and
clear at last.
Han laid Leia down on the soft forest floor and involuntarily
gasped at what he saw. The Princess' usually pristine white attire
was practically red. Chewbacca howled; Han fought a rare urge to
panic.
"Oh, gods, Leia," Han said, kneeling and reaching for but afraid to
touch her face. "You're gonna be allright." He looked into the
wookiee's face and they exchanged wordless worries.
"Do I look that bad?" Leia said as she shivered. She was going into
shock.
"Sweetheart, you always look good to me," Han started with a wry
smile, "but does it hurt as bad as it looks?"
"It probably hurts worse," she said.
"I bet," Han said with a small smile and stroked her cheek. He set
his hands on his knees. "I'm gonna have to lift you, take you to the
Falcon...Ready?"
Leia nodded, took a breath, and closed her eyes.
Han slid his arms under her and lifted her up as he got to one knee.
She stifled a moan.
"I'm sorry, Leia. Don't mean to hurt you," he said as he looked into
her face, his words to her that morning echoing in his ears. Here
goes.
Han stood up and levelled her in his arms. She cried out in pain.
"Sorry," he said again and looked down to see Leia had passed out.
Walking as fast as he could without jostling her, he and Chewbacca
thought it had never taken so long to get to the Falcon.
Leia awoke to the familiar hum of the Millennium Falcon. She lay in
the medical bunk, her entire body seemingly on fire, like a small
insect had bitten her all over. Small, deep cuts on her torso, arms,
and legs throbbed. She was ready to close her eyes again when Han
appeared. He laid his hand on her forehead. "Hey, Princess, how
are you feeling?" he asked softly.
"I feel terrible."
"That's supposed to be my line," Han said with a quick smile and
glanced at the medpac on the wall. "Gave you an antibiotic, and the
painkiller should be kicking in any time now. We don't have synth
blood, don't know if you've lost enough to need some, but we'll
back to the base real soon. They'll take care of you in a flash there."
"Better strip me," Leia said matter of factly.
"What?!" Han asked, wondering if he was dreaming or she was
delirious.
"Strip me...you know...so my clothes don't dry to the wounds?"
"Right," Han said as she realized what she meant. "Okay."
She closed her eyes and Han ran a hand over his face.
'I don't want to do this,' he thought. 'I mean, I want to do this, but
not this way.' She'd done this to him before, after that botched
mission on Oceania, but somehow that was different. He wondered
if Chewbacca ought to strip her instead. 'No, that would be even
more uncomfortable for her.' Han made up his mind: it had to be
done.
"Allright, Princess, let's start with the easy stuff." He walked to the
end of the bunk and unfastened her boots. Then he was at the head
of the bunk and unzipping her shredded flight jacket. Silently he
worked it over her shoulders and under her back, moving each
sleeve down in time so nothing tugged or strained her skin. With her
face so pale, her lips seems to glow red. He unfastened the straps of
the overalls that buttoned at her waist and laid them back along the
bunk.
"Can you tell me what happened?" Han asked to distract them both
from the fact that he was unbuttoning her shirt, which was even
more bloody and torn than her jacket.
"I don't know," Leia started softly, rolling her head to face him, her
eyes glazed. "I did everything I was supposed to do...."
"These things happen, sweetheart," Han consoled. He unbuttoned
the plackets on her overalls that ran from her waist to mid-thigh,
then looked up to her face. "I've had my share of rough
landings...and Leia started to laugh, then grimaced. "Don't me make laugh," she
said behind a melting smile. "It hurts."
"Sorry," Han said, then stared at the bunk wall and ran a hand
through his hair. He realized a long silence had passed. Was she out
again?
Han looked to Leia's face. She was staring at him with expectant
eyes. "Don't tell me you're shy about this, Solo," she said with a
smirk to cover her own trepidation.
"Me? Shy?" he started. "No...I'm just tryin' to figure out how to do
this while preserving your 'royal dignity.'" Han looked up to escape
her gaze and saw a rack of neatly folded sheets above the bunk.
Inspiration struck once again.
'Only Threepio could have done this,' he thought as he reached for a
sheet. 'I've never had so many sheets, let alone freshly pressed
ones. Thanks, Goldenrod. I didn't know you cared.'
Han let the sheet unfold to the floor, then opened it width-wise and
draped it over the Princess. Working his hands in under the sheet,
he spread her shirt open and worked it off as he did her jacket. Leia
watched his hands move slowly, tenderly over her under the sheet;
the image...the sensation...seemed strangely familiar.
"Hurt too much?" Han looked up and asked.
"No," Leia said as tears rolled out of the corners of her eyes. "I just
want to get this stuff off."
As his hands moved over her midriff he could feel her ribs.
"Thought about eating?" Han asked.
"You see me at almost every meal," Leia said as she stared up at the
ceiling. "I don't skip."
"You could eat more," he said, starting to move her overalls down
over her hips.
"Don't have much of an appetite."
"Why is that?" Han asked as he slid her pantlegs down and tried not
to touch her legs.
Leia ignored the question. "How did you find me?" she asked
instead.
"Left one of my smuggling homing devices on your ship," Han
said. He pulled the overalls past her ankles and dropped the
shredded, bloody clothing to the floor.
"So you're not just good looks after all," Leia said.
Han grinned in pleasant surprise. "You must be delirious, Your
Highnessness. That was almost a compliment."
"Almost," she repeated as Han moved to the head of the bunk with a
smile and reached into the medpac.
"I'm gonna spray some synth-flesh. Looks like you've stopped
bleeding, but we better be safe, okay?" he said. Leia nodded and
closed her eyes to the pain she knew was coming. Han lifted the
sheet with one hand and with the other he sprayed her body, trying
his best not to see anything.
"Can you roll over?" he asked. Leia opened her eyes and noticed
Han's were shut. Smiling to herself, she gingerly flipped over to her
stomach. "Go ahead," she said; he sprayed again. "On your back
again?" he asked with eyes closed. Just as gingerly she flipped once
more to her back. "Done," she said. He let the sheet fall back down,
then reached over to close the medpac.
Who knew it? The rogue was actually a teddy bear. "Han," Leia said
quietly, sliding a hand out from under the sheet. He took her hand; it
was so small and pale in his. "Thank you. Thank you for thinking
of me. Thank you for finding me." Her voice was small, but her
eyes held his steadily. 'She's good,' he thought.
"It's my job, sweetheart," Han said simply. "So...no more suicide
missions?"
"Yes," Leia said. Then her brown eyes turned black. She rolled her
head to stare back up at the ceiling and dropped his hand to turn hers
into a fist. "Dammit, I tanked that shuttle," she remembered and
pounded her fist on the bunk. "So stupid."
"Don't even think about that," Han soothed, gently catching her chin
to turn her face back to him. "Command was a lot more concerned
about you than an old Imp ship." Leia gave a small smile. "Now,"
he continued, "no more running away from me...or Luke?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Leia said innocently.
Han rolled his eyes. It was one painfully slow step at a time with
this woman. But he was enjoying every single one. As usual, he
pushed his luck.
"Then how about a kiss?" he asked, leaning forward and waiting
with a grin for her refusal.
Leia sighed. "If it'll make you go away," she said.
Han masked his surprise--and thrill--at her acceptance with a perfect
sabacc face. "Okay," he said, "a goodbye kiss." Heart beating fast,
he moved his lips over hers. "Goodbye for right now, that is."
A furry shadow filled the crew's quarters doorway. *How is she?*
Chewbacca asked.
Han straightened up and suppressed a string of curses. He looked
down at the Princess and saw she was beginning to laugh. With a
lopsided smile, he gave her a wink, then walked to the doorway,
waved a hand over the light control to dim the room, and leaned his
elbows on the jambs.
"I think she's gonna be fine, pal," Han said under his breath. "She's
lucid, don't think she's lost that much blood. She's just real cut up
and in a lot of pain from those thorns and the impact of the crash."
*Thank the Tree Lord,* Chewbacca said.
"Whoever," Han dismissed. "Did you contact Sodus?"
*He and a team are on their way to the coordinates I gave them,* the
wookiee explained. *Their plan is to burn off the rest of the thorns
in the tunnel and recover the electronics supplies in the cases, then
clear any debris from the crash and cover the skid marks in the
ravine. Otherwise the shuttle is conveniently buried...for now,
anyway.*
"Thanks, Chewie," Han said, then hefted a thumb back toward the
bunk. "I'll tell ya, she's a pretty strong lady. Stoic through the
whole thing."
*What whole thing?* Chewie asked, tilting his head to one side,
then looking over Han's shoulder to see her clothes on the floor.
Han realized what Chewbacca saw and gently pushed the wookiee
forward as he stepped through the doorway and out of the Princess'
earshot. "Didn't want her clothes to dry to the cuts," Han said.
*Of course,* Chewie said with a smile, then echoed Rieekan's
earlier gesture, laying a hairy paw on Han's shoulder. *You're a
good man, Cub. You'd be a fool to give up on her now.*
Han gave a rare shy smile and turned back to look at the Princess'
small frame on the bunk. She'd passed out at last. "Yeah, well,
we're gonna have to leave the Alliance soon...especially after what
we learned on Ord Mantell," he said as he leaned back with a thud
against the Falcon's ring wall. Crossing his arms high on his chest,
Han sighed. "I think I'm the one in the suicide squeeze now."
non-landings."
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