Dealing with Deployment
Email Lists and Support Groups, international, national and local
Links to General Military Information
Support Organizations listed by name of Service
Homeschooling Points of Contact
Military Recruitment and Enlistment
(use this to find information on linked pages that have been taken off
The Adobe Reader is used to read pdf
The military is fond of pdf files.
Military: Dealing With Deployment
On This Page:
Things to Consider Before
Books and Booklets
Strategies and Things to Try
Military Homeschooling column from the July/August 2005 edition of Home
Things to Consider Before
Servicemembers Civil Relief Act Power of Attorney
When a servicemember is assigned to a short
tour, a remote tour, or is deployed, it is useful for the at-home parent to
have a power of attorney for handling special situations. The types of
powers of attorney are General and Special. General powers of
attorney is a broad legal document specifying a relationship between two
people whereby one is empowered to legally act for the other. A
Special power of attorney is similar but limits the actions of the person
One limitation concerning powers of attorney is that persons with whom the
at-home parent is dealing on behalf of the servicemember are not obligated
to honor the document. Because of this if a significant situation can
be anticipated before the servicemember leaves, it would be wise to take
care of it then.
Another situation to take into considering during a separation is that of
the illness or
incapacitation of the at-home parent so that a third party must take
care of the children.
Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act, Simplified
- So your spouse is deployed and you
want the world to know that, 1) you miss him/her, and 2) that you support
the troops overseas. These are honorable feelings, but they can lead
to you being targeted by unscrupulous/malicious people
By advertising your loss, you are also advertising your vulnerability.
It isn't that women (in general) are 'weaker' or that they are 'alone' if
they are 'geographical bachelorettes.' It is that there are jerks in
the world and you're clueing them in.
Ways to let people know that you are 'alone:'
-- Yellow ribbons
-- "Half my heart is in Iraq" bumper stickers
-- Telling children at the post office, "We'll mail these to Daddy, in
Don't paint yourself as a target.
Practice good Opsec.
- What will happen if my spouse is
injured while deployed?
-- the severity of the injury will be 'triaged' for how 'badly' you'll need
to know about it
Casualty Assistance Officer will visit only in cases of KIA, MIA, POW or
injured so severely that death is almost certain.
== The Primary Next of Kin (PNOK)
will be notified before anyone else. Other members of the Family
Support Group will not hear it first. Any other family members
on the list of people to be notified will not be notified before the
Primary person is notified.
Do not believe rumors.
== in case of a visit, the Officers
will be in dress uniforms, they will visit you personally, they will not
make a phone call.
-- if the injury is severe, but not a mortal wound, you will receive a call.
-- if the injury is not severe, and recovery will only take time, the
servicemember will probably make the call.
Methods of notification by service:
There are some malicious people in the world, and they have
preyed on the families of servicemembers by dressing up in uniforms and
pretending to be Casualty Assistance Officers. Do not advertise your
status (see the information above) thereby giving these sickos a target.
Books and Booklets
Strategies, and Things to Try
- Mapping out the commissary
To make commissary shopping a little less stressful, take the time to make a
'product map' of the commissary either using your computer's graphics
program, such as Paint Shop Pro, or making a pen and paper drawing
and then scanning it in to your computer, or photocopying it at the library.
Through the week, jot down the groceries and sundries on a copy of the map,
then, at shopping time, just follow your map.
of Comedy in Movies Study Guide"
Deployment is tough enough without
focusing on the ever-present, fill-up-a-neverending-loop-of-on-air-time
newscasts. Watching the news concerning the area of deployment is
counter-productive. You're going to do it anyhow, but give yourself some
relief by 'studying' the 'history of comedy in movies.' You have
permission to watch as many comedies as necessary to give you a good
perspective of the development of movie comedy.
- More tips from a group,
Wives Behind Their Soldiers
- Suggestions from Online Pal and Marine wife, Laine who says she didn't just
fall off that turnip truck:
-- Short-timer's paper chain
To help children visualize the the decrease in time until Dad comes home,
make a construction-paper chain for the number of days, weeks or months that
he'll be gone, and clip them off, one at a time. For long deployments,
making a 365-day chain could be depressing -- not to mention seeing it every
day -- so perhaps a series of 'month chains' might be a reasonable
alternative. Twelve chains with the appropriate number of 'days' could
form a 'bead curtain' in the hallway. Make the Sundays a different
color so that you see smaller increments of 'time' rather than a huge block.
--Daddy's Kisses: keep a jar of
Hershey's Kisses so that every night the children can have a goodnight kiss
'from Daddy.' This also helps when there's an 'owie' that needs a
--Kisses to Daddy: get helium balloons
and use them to send hugs, kisses and messages to Daddy. (and let
Daddy know what was said so he can respond appropriately in his letters to
--Love letters in the Sand: if you live
near the ocean, you can 'send letters' to Daddy who is on the 'other side.'
The tide takes them away.
--Rubber stamps from Daddy: Daddy can
have a rubber stamp that is used only to send hugs and kisses to the
children on postcards and letters.
--Moon kisses: the same moon shines on
the children and on their Daddy. Blow kisses to the moon to take to
Military Homeschooling column from the July/August 2005 edition of Home
Dealing With Deployment
the time when military spouses find out what they’re made of. It may begin
with concern about ‘doing it all’ and end with an appreciation of their own
abilities. Still, trial-by-separation, isn’t often something that families
Pick a feeling. Now reverse
it. Now reverse it again. Now twist it. Now reverse that. For couples
early in their marriage these changes in feelings can be scary. For those
married longer, and who may have experienced more separations, they won’t be a
surprise. Once, the servicemember leaves, and is occupied at work, the
at-home parent is left either with the settling-down, or the lifting-up, of a
weight. The suspense is over. It’s happened.
If the servicemember is
assigned to an area of conflict, the first order of business is to turn off
the television news. Trying to keep up with the ‘latest’ is a time-sucking
source of stress. Plus, not only does the ‘news’ never end, but, because it
never ends, all the spaces between commercials must be filled. This ‘filling’
may consist of re-runs of shocking (then numbing) film footage. This will
wear you down, stay away from it.
When a person suffers
sustained stress, the body may produce too much adrenaline and cortisol as a
part of the ‘fight or flight’ defenses. Chronic stress can affect the immune
system. Along with other parental maladies, from angina to constipation to
depression to heart palpitations, stress can affect a family’s children and
their development. If all that isn’t bad enough (and not to make light of it
affecting children), stress can make you fat. Sustained high levels of
cortisol stimulate abdominal fat cells to create visceral fat. If your spouse
is deployed to a hostile area do not watch the news, it can make you fat.
Coping with the
When the separation is under
way the at-home parent arises each morning, puts one foot in front of the
other, and gets on with the day. While the parent may not be technically not
down in the dumps, or completely immobilized, there is an awareness that in
the past things usually went more smoothly because there was another adult to
pick up the slack. There was a lot more ‘wiggle room’ concerning that lonely
milk carton with just an inch of milk in it, those two slices of bread (both
of them ends, and one a little green), the shampoo bottle with only enough
shampoo for half a head-wash (which you discover only after you’re already
naked and wet), and the disappearance of that extra roll of toilet paper. So
how do at-home parents get over the hump of a long separation? One day at a
time. This, too, will pass.
The following hints are of the
buffet kind — pick what you like and ignore everything else. The caution is:
if what you choose isn’t working, stop doing it.
Schedule your time
— even if you are usually a free bird: By regularly taking care of your
needs, you can lower your stress. Continually ‘surprising’ yourself with
empty milk cartons, shampoo bottles and missing rolls of toilet paper isn’t
a nice thing. Be nice to yourself, and keep things on schedule. For a
relatively painless method of scheduling, try the Sidetracked Home
Executive system invented by two desperate ladies, The Slob Sisters,
Pam Young and Peggy Jones. Their google-able web site has a discussion
group, a calendar, and a link to the FlyLady list. If being online
is a time-sink for you, their book, Sidetracked Home Executives, is
available at bookstores or in your library, either on the shelf or through
an inter-library loan.
If you worry, do it constructively by keeping a notebook. Write down the
worries as they come to you, and then, at the scheduled time, think about
what you’ll do if whatever you’re worried about happens; write down your
Do the worst things first:
get the ‘work’ out of the way so you can concentrate on what you enjoy
make sure the ‘worst’ things you’re doing are important ‘worst’ things and
Eat more healthily
so that your body isn’t dealing with dietary stressors such as caffeine,
alcohol and sugar. The caveat is to build in a ‘fudge factor’ so that you
don’t feel deprived.
Give yourself a break:
you have permission to do something indulgent. Watch soppy chick-flicks,
read mysteries, buy extra-cute exercise duds, plant flowers even though
you’ll be moving eventually.
Practice Preventive Maintenance:
don’t wait until something goes wrong to deal with a problem. Regularly
check the oil in the car so the engine doesn’t seize up; replace the screen
in the front door with the storm door in October instead of January; have
the air conditioning system checked in May before there’s a three-day wait
in 100°F heat for the repairman; dress the baby in patterned clothes that
don’t show the outlines of stains; put Velcro-closing shoes on the
Subscribe to an online chat group
whose description fits your needs. The members of a good email group can
give you quick guidance and advice on your schedule. In the beginning don’t
reveal too much, too early, and do not post personal information. Practice
good OPSEC, and ‘feel out’ the group to see if the members are reliable, and
the discussions mature. If not, unsubscribe and use your email program’s
Block Sender function to block the email from any immature person with whom
you do not wish to communicate.
Shun the unit Drama Queens
— they suck energy and yours is already spoken for. A corollary caution is
to avoid rumors and gossip about other people in the unit — it’s
Coping behaviors to ease the time apart
During a separation
homeschoolers can have extended visits with distant family members. Because of
the portability of materials, and the continuity of instruction, little
adjustment is necessary if you take a break from your routine.
Before the separation,
reducing the stress level, both for the at-home parent and for the
away-from-home parent, can be done by thinking about, and planning for, the
separation. Have the following already in place as part of a ‘just in case’
make sure all financial
changes are made concerning separate rations, and where the LES is to go
have separate checking
accounts for long separations to prevent overdrafts
a record for each parent of
bank account numbers and PINs
drawn up, either general, limited or both; the caveat to this recommendation
is that people or businesses with whom you are dealing are not required to
accept the P.O.A.
ensure the car is in good working order, or that the at-home parent is
well-versed about maintenance needs
ensure the house is in as good repair as possible
have a medical
power-of-attorney drawn up, or a durable power-of-attorney for a third-party
to be guardian to, or care for, the children in case the at-home parent is
provide contact numbers for local assistors
in case of an emergency and have them displayed so they are findable
have paperwork for access to
the military installation by the third-party guardian
compile information for emergency caregiver
for both children and pets:
allergies or special medical information
favorite toys and stories
transportation arrangements to return to
CONUS (if overseas)
Support for the at-home parent
join a group for spouses of
develop a circle of friends
start or join a babysitting
Not every event can be
anticipated, but preparation can reduce needless stress. An ounce of
prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Taking a page from “walking a
mile in someone else’s shoes” and then turning that idea sideways, are there
ways you can look at all those ‘deployment lemons’ and make lemonade out of
your children just dumped the Rice Krispies on the baby in the saucer
lemonade: you have children, you have food, you will not starve
because you lost one box of cereal, the baby isn’t hungry anymore
the cat hacked up a hairball on the carpet
lemonade: you have a pet, you have enough money to buy
floor-coverings, no veterinary visit is necessary to remove an impacted
the car needs to go to the garage for maintenance
lemonade: you are affluent enough to afford private transportation,
you have space to keep a car, you don’t have to do the maintenance yourself
the yard is full of dandelions with fuzzy heads and the kids keep blowing
lemonade: you have yard for your children to play in
your husband is deployed
lemonade: your family is contributing to the protection of our
nation and participating in real-world global events
Military spouses are an
integral part of military readiness. Strong at-home parents support deployed
servicemembers, and contribute to their safety by freeing their minds from
everyday worries. Stay strong. Stay safe.
for very young
for little children
for older children
Buyer Be Aware
Driving in the car (during
field trips; PCSing; vacations)
of homeschooling and military terms
Hobby Horse Stable:
Search This Site
I tried using an 'on-this-site' search gizmo, but I didn't find it satisfactory and
I deleted it. Despite this, the site can be searched using
Google. Just put in
what you want to look for, and add "kc.rr.com" to the search terms.
Update List-site Files
(use this to find information on linked pages that have been taken off the
We Stand For Homeschooling