Written late April, 2007

I don't think anyone else on my friendlist loves Doom sadly. If I write that J of Luna Sea says "Doom 
is surely art rock of the highest calibre!" do you think more people would click my lj-cut?

He was a sensitive man. He was kind. He lost his way sometimes, but that's because he was a human.
He loved animals and had several in his life. He loved flying squirrels and cats and sesame street. 
He hated insects. He was always cold even in the warmest places and brought a stove and a heavy 
jacket to jam sessions and drinking parties.

Koh used to draw. He painted. Most of what remains of his art is very simplistic almost children's 
drawings of him and people he loved. He used to draw the same scene... it was a mountain labeled 
"god mountain" in the background and a clean huge lake in front of it. Koh would be standing somewhere
near the lake with a woman with long dark hair whose face you never really see. Foxes and cats and 
dogs and all sorts of animals are in the picture and they're all happy and mischievous. One picture 
has the phrase "fischer king" at the bottom and all of the faces have numbers on them. He had the
same types of numbers on the case of his bass. In a photo of a painting he made the lake is clear 
and calm and the sky is full of stars.

Photobooks of Koh's life remain. He was a cute kid. In high school he posed for the school photo like
a yankee (crouching style). There are photos of him and the... vocalist? of Miss Cookie in various states
of undress and on fishing trips. There are photos of him and the boys in various states of drunken 
undress. There are photos of him at concerts smiling in a wool hat and sweater. 

I went to Saitama on Sunday because a man freaked out that I knew who Koh Morota and Doom were and 
demanded I meet Koh's parents. A white girl knowing and loving their son was too interesting apparently and
demanded the awkward presentation and smiles and questions of could I use chopsticks? Did I eat Japanese
food? Would I live in Japan forever? Interestingly while the question of how long I've liked Doom and 
where I came from and how did I find Doom came up the question we so often ask and answer never did -
Why, Why do I love Doom? While I think Doom is a wonderful band I think the question is obvious 
among fans... Koh Morota's bass is a strong component. Without Koh Doom would be another metal band in
a sea of other bands. 

I sat in an old house filled with plush cats and flying squirrel's and foxes and little photos of animals
and listened to my friends, bonded by Koh Morota, and his parents talk about the past. About the scene
and how it's changed. About people who have come and paid their respects and how they've grown and changed
and who's married and who's living where. We had cakes wrapped in foil and plastic and left one for Koh 
in a little altar in the corner of the room. It felt awkward and unreal. 

In the next room, a sort of add-on, was a little different. Inside this next room on display were two very
precious pieces. Kissed by the sunlight were Koh's basses, both custom professional kits that you could
buy at the time in his signature series for around 600,000 yen.

My friends asked about Koh's cats. How were they? They had passed on of course... My friends had both of
course met Koh while he was living. One of them was from Nagano where the specialty is fried grasshopper
and remembers chasing Koh around with it. One of them, who to this day sees more concerts a week than me,
was in high school when Doom came out. When she saw Koh years later she took photos of him in the wool
hat and sweater. She remembers what a nice guy he was and how overwhelmed she was the first time he heard 
him perform.

In this room with the basses and the gentle sunlight streaming in there was another surprise. A tall shelf
with several drawers. In the top drawers were casette bootlegs of hundreds of Doom, #9 and Miss Cookie 
performances. In the bottom drawers were VHS live concerts and television appearances. Apparently there 
are more, were more but some where thrown out. My friends screamed when they heard it. I laughed a little.
Because you know, there's a bit of a spoiled attitude with Japanese collectors. They don't understand how 
much you have to beg and scramble just to get a Doom CD outside the US, nevermind a bootleg.

We watched some of the videos. We watched Doom play the Pyramid Club and CBGB's in New York. We watched 
Koh Morota on Saitama TV talking about his haircut. We watched the project that spawned #9 (I forget 
it's name) with Baki in a tight shirt and very low cut jeans oozing sex over Koh's basslines. And we 
watched the recording for "sei to shi" filmed in the same room we were sitting with Koh standing at 
the window, sunlight catching on the silver fretboard of his bass. The pianist for the session is now 
in King Show... I forget who the drummer is. 

There's hope, if you're reading this. There's a good chance I'll be getting these videos. My friends needed 
them all. I don't. Even one is enough. Doom's feeling is completely different recorded and live. Doom 
recorded sounds avant, almost ambient. Doom live has a feeling of power and electricity. Any copy could
only be a pale one, sadly. I want you to see them. I want you to understand the feeling I did when I
saw them at the Pyramid Club.

We didn't see Koh Morota spit fire at Beat Takeshi though. Apparently no video exists of it. But, we thought
that the CBGB's footage had been lost as well, so maybe there's hope.

It was awkward, it was terrifying, but I think it's good that I went. Not for the potential of swag but
to really understand the man who played such beautiful music. And there's still so much more to understand 
but I feel like I can confirm the feeling I felt about him before I went, that he was a truly unique soul 
and that this is inevitably what destroyed him. 

There's a second part to this story... One of my friends has not seen Skull Smash, the Doom cover band.
Koh's parents had the DVD so we watched it together. My friend was less than impressed and I was too... 
it's very hard to go from seeing Koh to seeing someone imitating Koh. But I think Skull Smash has a good
spirit in calling themselves an "imperfect cover band." No one can play like Koh. Koh's basswork flows
naturally from him. He did things with his bass that are abnormal and would seem incompetent that 
produce the most natural and organic melodies I've ever heard from a bass. No one else can do that.

But I saw Skull Smash last night, and it was delightful. That energy that was in the Doom videos, 
I saw it last night on stage. And that organic performance of Koh's, I saw it last night in their drummer 
Ono, my friend and I think a kindred soul to Koh's. Ono is tall and lithe with a beard and a shaved head
and a long ponytail. He meows like a cat when he's in a good mood and his voice is deep and good natured.
Ono is unafraid to be his natural self onstage and blushes and laughs when people yell things at him 
from the audience. Last night he was hiding behind a huge red kit in white powder and black eye make-up
and scowled from the fog like a ghost. When he plays drums his performance is a kind of dance, the 
sound picking up and flowing from his feeling. It's unorthodox and slightly erotic - a very jarring
difference from the cat I know. 

Here's some photos to sum up. I wish I could be more eloquent on all of this but... really, when I saw 
Koh's face in the sunlight I felt at peace and I have no real way to describe that. There are no words.