Outstanding new products and services are crucial to Flatulent Technologies' efforts to change the world. In the last year alone, we had more than 1,550 major new product introductions (such as the one pictured at left -- our wildly popular and potent non-alcoholic beverage, "Carumba"). Below is just a small sampling of the product awards we have received during the past three years.

Flatulent Technologies Selected for Red Herring's "Most Likely to Change the World" List

In its sixth year, The Red Herring 100 is an annual survey of "everything that is great about technology, innovation, and entrepreneurial capitalism." As the magazine puts it, producing this list "means seeking those companies that are obsessed with overcoming theoretical scientific limits and are capable of building sensible business models from their developments."

This year, Flatulent Technologies joined that remarkable list for the fifth time, as "a market leader in the equipment used to manufacture optical components" that has "finessed the manufacturing process for nanoelectronic and nanooptical components." In 1996, we were first honored by inclusion on the list as the developer of earth-shaking technology that efficiently harnesses the latent energy contained in the foul-smelling methane clouds which surround us all in such abundance.

Automated flatulence detection system wins industry magazine award

Internet Communications magazine selected Flatulent Technologies' Methane (CH4) Analysis System as 2001 Product of the Year. Manufactured by the Electronic Sensor Division within our Chemistry Solutions Group (CSG), the product is the industry's first next-generation CH4 monitoring and management system. With this ingenious device, it is now possible to "sniff out" sources of methane emissions with a sensitivity no human, or even canine, nose is capable of doing. Flatulent Technologies is discovering new reservoirs of methane-generating rot and decay that we never before suspected of existing. "Eureka!" In energy terms, it is equivalent to the sudden discovery of gold in California or oil in Alaska.

Consumer model cryogenic cooling appliance unveiled

In late 1999, Flatulent Technologies acquired a small company that we correctly forecast was on the verge of making a startling technological breakthrough. Two years later, Absolute-Zero had rolled out the very first consumer model cryogenic cooling unit, combined in a single appliance with refrigerator and freezer compartments. The remarkable appliance has the capacity to preserve a human corpse at a temperature of near absolute zero, while medical science advances to a point where its affliction can be remedied and the body re-animated to life again.

Up until recently, only the most affluent among us could afford to pay the thousands of dollars each year it cost to preserve their loved one in an expensive cryogenic laboratory monitored night and day by well-paid lab assistants. Now you can keep dearly departed Grandpa close to you at home in his own cryogenic, temperature-controlled compartment, next to the compartments where you keep your potato salad and your frozen chicken thighs. (Model 45DFC pictured above has a 12 cu. ft. compartment with adequate storage space to preserve one adult corpse up to 200 pounds in weight.)

Flatulent Technologies ships 5 thousandth "Toot Booth"

In January of 2000, CEO Cheney of Halliburton announced with immense pride that it had shipped the 5,000th Methane Recovery Chamber (referred to often by its popular, colloquial name, "Toot Booth"). Although the units most recently shipped were two years behind schedule and 150 percent over budget, Flatulent Technologies accepted shipment any way. Halliburton has assured us that the initial 3,500 units containing serious defects of design and workmanship will be repaired and calibrated in the field at only a modest additional expense to us, their client. What a great supplier!

Flatulent Technologies introduces breakthrough bean counting IC chip

Corporate executives at Consolidated Bean, Flatulent technologies' agribusiness subsidiary, needed to improve its profitability to meet its stockholders' wildly high expectations. Of course, reducing the executives' stock options and healthy compensation packages were out of the question. The company determined that the only way it had a chance of reaching their ambitious goal was to significantly reduce costs in its plant's most labor-intensive operation: in particular the unit tasked with counting the large quantities and many varieties of beans being processing through its irradiation station. Unfortunately, the workers responsible for this dangerous task had long ago been rendered sexually sterile.

"Flatulent Technology's new EoS bean counter chip satisfied requirements by providing a cost effective means to reducing system costs," said Consolidated Bean president, Ben Gustie. "The elimination of their jobs lopped off just enough fat from the company's operational expenses to ensure that Consolidated Bean met its ambitious profitability target for its shareholders, and its president got an extra week's paid vacation to boot!"

Flatulent Technology's EoS bean counter is a highly integrated, layer-2, single-chip solution that provides significantly lower power consumption (typically 0.25 W) and a time-to-market advantage versus multiple discrete components, in-house application specific integrated circuits (ASICs) or field programmable gate arrays (FPGAs). Wow! What will those guys think of next!