Flatulent Technologies is committed to being a powerful economic, intellectual, and social asset to each nation and community where we do business. Flatulent Technologies' international community relations programs, activities, and events manifest their extremely high moral values and corporate citizenship objectives. Through grants, employee volunteerism, public policy, and community partnerships, the dynamic Flatulent Technologies Community Program is "Inspiring Minds and Enriching Lives."

Flatulent Technologies Germany supports state-of-the-art gastro-intestinal hospital ward

Flatulent Technologies Germany (FTG) recently donated a life-supporting portable monitor to the Our Children Foundation, a charitable organization dedicated to helping children hospitalized at the Schroeder Children's Medical Center of Germany (SCMCG). Earlier this year the hospital opened Germany's only pediatric gastro-intestinal ward to improve the quality of special treatment for children and to bring the kids' digestive systems back to health after far too many years gorging on fast food hamburgers and fries. In addition to the portable monitor, FTG donated 5 tons of dried beans in three tasty varieties to the Foundation to further the gastro-intestinal health of German children.

"We hope this donation is only a first step in a long relationship with the foundation and the hospital, which stands as a bridge to peace between nations by helping all children regardless of race, nationality, religion, or dietary orientation" said the director of business development and president of Flatulent Technologies Germany, Gunther Schnitzenhubergrabber. "Our children are our future meal ticket. If they die young from a heart attack caused by clogged arteries, how are they to support their parents in their golden years?"

The Flatulent Technologies Germany management team delivered the monitor to the hospital. FTG employees also came along to visit children in the ward, accompanied by a clown who made them laugh and gave away cans of beans (kidney, garbanzo, and French-cut green beans) and balloons. "This contribution is part of an ongoing program to support the community," said the FTG president. "Our commitment to establish a partnership with the foundation and the SCMCG has also lifted the morale of our employees, making them proud of the company they work for, and the kind of healthful food they eat."

Dora Bangen, chairperson of the Foundation, expressed her appreciation and the positive impact of the donation, "We are fortunate that there are people who understand the importance of lending a helping hand to make the difficult period of hospitalization for overindulgence in greasy fast food much easier for the children and their families. Although the change in diet has increased their flatulence tenfold, we rest assured now that they are on the right road to a happier, more fulfilling life."

Flatulent AfterSchool program promotes bean consumption
to further science and health education in Taiwan, Korea, and the U.S.

Despite tough economic times, Flatulent Technologies continues its commitment to promoting science and health education in communities around the world. Flatulent AfterSchool is a low-cost, high-impact program that works in any language or culture. An integral part of the program is the specially prepared bean lunch packs distributed to participating schools. No longer is ketchup the only vegetable consumed by school kids. Our marvelously ingenious cooks have invented yummy recipes for preparing beans that even kids love. The following three stories report the latest Flatulent AfterSchool news:

Taipei, Taiwan: On April 4, 2002, Flatulent Technologies Taiwan observed National Children's Day by hosting a Flatulent AfterSchool Program focused on inspiring the children's creativity with innovative science games. The four-hour program at Taipei Municipal Chung-Cheng Elementary School captivated more than 300 students and parents from 20 nearby schools. Activities included the "Name That Tune" Game, where students practiced tooting a tune with the wind from their gut and challenging their classmates to identify the song they were piping out. Other games and activities included assembling and racing methane-driven model cars, and a competition for the 2002 Flatulent Flame Championship title. Last year, an anal flame 15.75 inches in length took the prize. The 2002 champ, little Fa-Ting, could blow out quite a methane jet!

School Principal Chi-Ling Chang commented: "I am delighted to see more and more enterprises contribute to community service. To my amazement, Flatulent Technologies took the initiative to come to us, offering excellent help with experiments for our students, and bag after bag of delicious faba beans. I hope we can keep up the good spirit and further cooperation to benefit more children."

Seoul, Korea: On April 20, 2002, Flatulent Technologies Korea (FTK) and the Korea Science Communication Center hosted a Flatulent AfterSchool charity science carnival in Leungdeonpo Park, Seoul. About 30 FTK volunteers introduced more than 200 children from primary schools and the local orphanage to science concepts with hands-on activities and experiments, including five fun and inventive science games that demonstrate to children the energy value of the beans they eat.

"While many local companies have hardly participated in science programs so far, Flatulent Technologies Korea's proactive efforts set an example of what companies ought to do for society," said Son Keun Park, head of the science center. "This event is a remarkable example of corporate citizenship through employee volunteerism. Some of our teaching staff criticize Flatulent Technologies for being 'self-serving,' but I think that is grossly unfair. So what if the company makes money from the gas we generate eating their tasty bean lunches! So what if the company lavishes travel junkets and expensive gifts on me for organizing their annual 'science carnival!' We all learn valuable lessons in science and nutrition which no mere book learning can adequately convey."

Sonoma County, California, U.S.: The Flatulent Technologies' Sonoma County plant on April 22, 2002, received a community service award for the company's Flatulent AfterSchool program at the 26th annual Volunteer Recognition Banquet presented by the Volunteer Institute of Sonoma County. Flatulent Technologies was nominated for the recognition by Sonoma County People for Economic Development (SCPED), the company's community partner for Flatulent AfterSchool programs at the South Park Youth Center and the Beanstalk Middle School Success Club in Santa Ana Maria Rosalita, California.

According to Gus Hopper of SCPED, "Flatulent AfterSchool has been a tremendous resource for participating agencies ... Flatulent Technologies has invested in a project that has created wonderful educational opportunities for youth in Sonoma County."

Since the program's implementation in the fall of 2001, Flatulent AfterSchool has engaged 28 employee volunteers who have reached approximately 728 children in Sonoma County between the ages of 9 and 14 with hands-on experiments focusing on nutritional health and science. Flatulent Technologies' Sonoma County employee volunteers also conduct the program at The Valley of the Moon Boy's and Girl's Club in La Vaca Loca, California. According to Hopper: "The kids have found the methane/flatulence experiments both educational and highly entertaining. We find the kids enjoy carrying on with the 'experiments' and 'educational games' in the classroom again and again, long after the program is completed."

Flatulent Technologies donates chemistry lab to N.Y.C.

Flatulent Technologies' is donating a new, fully equipped laboratory facility to New York City in recognition of its emergency needs after the tragic events of September 11, 2001. The 7-story, $46 million laboratory facility will have the ability to detect dangerous chemical and biological agents. Construction of the new laboratory building was approximately 30 percent complete, as of January 15, 2003. Officials there plan to use the technology in future emergencies to quickly detect and identify dangerous chemicals in the air, soil, water, or food supplies. While agencies such as the military, U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, and private laboratories have such labs, New York is one of the first municipalities to receive such a facility for its own use, Flatulent Technologies' officials said.

Flatulent Technologies' donation comes as a result of the country's focus on homeland security. Such concerns have pushed companies to develop expanded uses for their existing technology and address various safety and security threats. NYC will share the facility with its donor, who will synergistically benefit from the access to classified information that could be useful to Flatulent Technologies in the event of an attack.

"It's a lucrative business opportunity and tremendous tax write-off for us, of course, but it also serves an urgent public need. Despite what some critical busybodies may claim, a public good definitely emanates from our generous donation," said Orrin Waters, Flatulent Technologies' spokesman and vice president of research and development. The prestigious international corporation and its partners have developed 21 similar laboratories since late 1994, but this is the first one designed to be used against attacks of chemical and biological weapons. Previous labs have been used to alert the company to environmental problems, such as methane tank leaks and errant chemical releases, before they cause excessive collateral damage to neighboring residential populations. Such mishaps have provoked numerous nuisance lawsuits by aggrieved residents who lost loved ones in the accidental chemical releases.

The lab is a joint project between Flatulent Technologies and several other partners, including Newark-based MUDI. That 28-person company provided the software to identify bacteria used in biological warfare. The software can identify agents such as anthrax, bubonic plague -- or God forbid -- legume cankers, which can devastate valuable bean crops.

"Because of this homeland defense need, and the desire to make more labs capable of detecting these destructive agents devastating to our nation's bean supply... it could be good for us, too," said Waters. The lab facility, which was manufactured by an Oakland, Calif., company, is outfitted with special chemical analysis equipment built at Flatulent Technologies' Little Big Falls facility. "Also of interest to Flatulent Technologies is the adverse impact that a chemical or biological attack could have on the nation's critical provisions of beans and legumes. In the event of an attack, protection of protein-rich beans and legumes is extremely important to maintain our population's nutritional health and sexual potency."

"Obviously, this has huge applications, plus also all their sleek, sexy hi-tech equipment will really impress our visitors," said Jack Webman, executive vice president of the New York City Police Foundation, which will accept the donation on behalf of the police force and then turn it over to the city. "The technology is invaluable." Webman said the lab will fit in nicely with the New York City Police Commissioner's plan to upgrade the department's technology. The cash-strapped department finds itself dealing with ongoing nuclear and biochemical threats.

"But don't look for Flatulent Technologies to make extravagantly large profits from the NYC lab donation, and its new-found access to classified government data," said Drew Chu, an analyst who studies Flatulent Technologies for Boston-based S&M Securities Corp. He said such operations represent just a small part of the company's "overall spectacular profit picture. Financial benefits flowing to the company will be very minor, although extremely significant."